By Steve Rhodes
UPDATE 3:30 P.M.:
The Beachwood Reporter now has QT!
Provisional logo; Beachwood icon, archives and permanent home on the site to come, but we couldn’t wait to get started so Zay N. Smith just posted his inaugural QT on BR column.
Enjoy – and look for Zay on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. We’ll show you where.
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News you can abuse.
1. This photo of parking meter removal would make a great poster, no?
Unfortunately, we pay whether the meters are there or in storage.
Any lawyer who can get us out of this deserves a genius grant, the keys to the city and a handicapped parking placard.
2. St. Pat wants those questioning his effort to appoint a former TV news reporter and state government spokesperson to the executive directorship of the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority to “examine their consciences.”
Which we would be happy to do after he examines Kelly Kraft’s resume.
3. “State officials say they have found about 1,100 inmates who improperly collected more than $2 million in unemployment benefits,” AP reports.
Hey, who’s to say they didn’t get laid off from the laundry and are looking for new jobs?
4. “Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle says her budget office is considering taxing firearms and ammunition as a way to get guns off the streets of Chicago,” WBEZ reports.
Won’t that be a regressive tax that will be unfair to the less affluent gangs?
5. “Mayor Expected To Paint Rosy Picture At Budget Presentation.”
The Beachwood has obtained an advance copy.
6. “Chicago Aims To Create ‘Greenest’ Street In America.”
I thought Obama already did that.
7. Illinois’ biggest suckers now stationed at 65 locations.
8. “Man Steals Ambulance, Joyrides From Berwyn To Englewood.”
The only way that’s a joyride is if he drove in reverse.
9. “A Chuck E. Cheese’s employee is accused of stabbing a woman with a box cutter after an argument about a salad plate,” the Tribune reports.
The employee was identified as Cheese Keef.
10. “Microsoft To Plop Pop-Up Store Along Michigan Avenue.”
Will commemorate fall’s first freeze.
11. “Obama ‘Believed He Had Beaten Romney’ In Denver Debate.”
And the Jacksonville Jaguars believed they had beaten the Bears on Sunday.
12. “The Bank of America Chicago Marathon ran out of medals for about 1,300 participants who finished seven hours after it started,” the Tribune reports. “Marathon organizers said they would mail or ship those runners a medal.”
Wouldn’t it be faster to just have someone run them over?
13. “Many Americans Admit They Have Not Achieved Their Goals.”
14. Fantasy Fix: Is It Tebow Time?
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The Beachwood Tip Line: Goal-oriented.
Posted on October 10, 2012