By Natasha Julius
No one knows how to rock out a summer weekend quite like we do.
App It!
President Obama this week giddily announced a new jobs initiative in the struggling state of Michigan. “These aren’t just any jobs,” Obama proudly declared. “These are jobs of the future that will be generating overheated headlines for generations to come.”
Cap It!
Skepticism reigned supreme this week as embattled oil giant BP claimed to have staunched the flow of the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. Observers note this may be a complex bid to fuck with their rivals. After all, it’s not like anyone else can figure out how to prove them wrong.
Crap It!
Meanwhile, the city of Chicago continues to distract urban rubes with phony scenes of utter devastation, the better to distract said urban rubes from actual scenes of utter devastation.
Snap It!
In a risky bid to gain legitimacy for her party, Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard has announced a snap election for next month. While cautiously optimistic of her chances, the PM also pointed out if the going gets too tough she could always go all dark side on her opponent’s ass.
Zap It!
Finally this week, scientists have announced a dramatic breakthrough in genetic engineering that has the potential to save millions of lives. Which we’re all for; after all, it’s not like anything could go horribly, horribly wrong.
Posted on July 17, 2010