By Natasha Julius
It’s a new year, and the stories just keep getting bigger.
Market Update
Looks like the Road to Recovery in 2010 will be paved with Doritos, polished with Dove and lubricated with Bud Light. Who the hell needs Pepsi? That sounds like a party!
As the Turf Turns . . .
In a sure sign that college football has run out of fresh ideas, USC coach Pete Carroll is expected to recycle the classic Saban storyline by farting around the NFL for a couple of years before plotting a triumphant return to lead UCLA to a BCS championship. The twist? Carroll will do it all while liberating Mark Ingram Sr, and spending more time with Urban Meyer’s family.
General Hospital
Meanwhile in the pro ranks, the annual Tournament of Pain will kick off this weekend with past champion New England posting impressive pre-season injuries to Wes Welker and Tom Brady. Not to be outdone, Minnesota announced veteran combatant Brett Favre will undergo a hysterectomy before the Vikings’ first game.
With-Drew from the Public Eye
The Will County courts dealt a blow to former Bolingbrook police officer Drew Peterson this week, refusing to ban public access to his upcoming trial. Sadly, this indicates the public is likely to deal a blow to itself by refusing to ban Drew Peterson.
Bad Branding
Finally this week, President Obama acknowledged serious flaws in the nation’s security system as foreign elements have come dangerously close to inflicting mainstream U.S. damage. “There is no excuse,” the president stressed. “We really should’ve seen this one coming.”
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The Weekend Desk Tip Line: Standing by.
Posted on January 9, 2010