By Natasha Julius
Why are we even here? It’s not like anything exciting ever happens in this boring little shit town anyway.
Market Update
Reaction was mixed this week as Dimples announced strong short-term earnings in an uncertain economy. While the public has clearly embraced the news, analysts warn Dimples’ rapid capacity expansion will have long-term impacts.
Bridge Report
In a tense rubber that saw North spectacularly overbid, South proved once and for all that Pele trumps Oprah.
Chicago-No
Wait a minute . . . does this mean we won’t be getting our CTA ponies?
Chica-No-Go
Oh, right. Ponies weren’t exactly a priority anyway.
Chica-Owe
For that matter, neither was paying people. Or serving and protecting them.
Chica-Woe
Buck up, Chicago. We may well be the most embarrassing place on earth right now, but we’re far from being the most devastated.
Posted on October 3, 2009