By Steve Rhodes
Join me now, will you, as I take a stroll through today’s papers.
“Daley: Trust Me.”
A) Because he’s so earned it.
B) Only if you tell us who hired Angelo Torres.
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“An ‘earthquake’ or ‘tornado’ are the only things that could leave you paying for the Olympics, says the mayor.”
A) You know the old joke, how can you tell when the mayor is lying . . . ?
B) As Whet Moser points out, aren’t those kinds of events the exact reason why insurance exists in the first place?
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“Inside Their Marriage: New book reveals the ups and downs of the Obamas’ relationship.”
A) You mean the fairy tale isn’t true?
B) Next: The ups and downs Obama’s relationship with Tony Rezko, wherein it is revealed that that fairy tale isn’t true either.
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“Sneed: Chris Kelly’s Girlfriend Ready to Fight Back”
A) You mean she’s turned state’s evidence?
B) Signs up for cage match with Blago.
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Daley: “[Closing Meigs Field], they questioned. They questioned Millennium Park . . . Also remodeling of Soldier Field” and the O’Hare Modernization Project.”
A) Right. Case closed.
B) Right. Case closed.
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“Financially savvy chief quits CTA board, top deputy leaves too”
A) Apparently not savvy enough
B) I did not shoot the deputy
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Mark Brown: “What’s Chicago’s quintessential look?”
A) Early American Naive Columnist
B) Post-War Lazy American Columnist
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“Zoning inspector accused of taking $20K in bribes”
A) Punishment is grounding; that’s not even a misdemeanor in Illinois
B) Sent to rehab where he’ll learn to bribe better
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“Kelly ‘will speak from the grave'”
A) Fuck you, Blago!
B) Get me out of Burr Oak!
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“6 alderman subpoeaned for developer’s fraud trial”
A) The other 44 allowed to stipulate that their testimony would be the same as the chosen six
B) In other news, six developers subpoeaned for alderman’s fraud trial
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The Daley Show
“As Chicago’s Olympic bid enters the home stretch, Mayor Richard Daley today continued to sound the theme that winning the right to host the 2016 Summer Games would transform the city’s worldwide reputation,” the Tribune reports.
“The mayor delivered that message as part of a series of 15-minute interviews with reporters limited in scope to the Olympic bid.”
And apparently every news organization in town agreed to those terms.
And for what?
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I sure hope the mayor offers reporters a cab when he’s done screwing them.
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Every reporter who failed to ask Daley who hired Angelo Torres committed journalistic malpractice. Again.
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Good thing the media isn’t in the hands of bloggers in basements!
Cop Bop
Speaking of Journalism 101, the Sun-Times’s Frank Main reports that “A man called WLS-AM (890) on Tuesday to say he was a Chicago Police officer trying to set the record straight over his decision to handcuff a nurse who refused to draw blood from a suspected drunken driver.”
And a man called to say he just returned from the Planet NewsDoneRight, where reporters know what the hell they’re doing. So what.
The caller identified himself as “Officer Roger,” which apparently was enough for Main and the Sun-Times.
If you read a story tomorrow about “Officer Steve,” you’ll know where it came from.
“The lawsuit does not give the officer’s full name and a police spokesman refused to release it, citing union protections.”
Huh?
Police officers are public employees; their names are of public record.
And here’s a clue: Start with those whose first name is Roger.
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This just in: A man identifying himself as “Cub Milton” says there’s another side to the story, but he’s not at liberty to dish the details.
The Boss
Springsteen at the United Center: We’ve got video.
Take the Gayhound
The Bleacher Preacher goes to Washington.
Hawks Lose Heart
He played on the fourth-line, but George Ofman says Adam Burich was the soul of the team.
Whither Forte?
Dan O’Shea advises, in Fantasy Fix.
Sam Zell Still A Royal Prick
Greedy old man at it again.
Jackson’s Name Game
Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.
The Odd Couple
Obama and Quinn in Copenhagen.
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The Beachwood Tip Line: Feels so good.
Posted on September 23, 2009