By The Weekend Desk B Team
Natasha Julius is indisposed this weekend working on her special Beachwood investigation into the effects of Xanax on drug-addicted pop stars without human faces. We eagerly await her return. In the meantime, the rest of the Weekend Desk staff remains on duty to keep an eye on things while you conduct your own drug experiments for a couple of days.
Corruption Bluster
President Obama is exhorting Ghanians to fight corruption and embrace democracy just as he did as a Chicago legislator and United States senator who put his arms around Mayor Richard M. Daley and said that he’d leave talk of corruption in the city to editorial writers and the likes of John Kass. Obama, who later brought half the Chicago Machine to the White House once he became president, told Ghanians they should watch what he does more than what he says if they want to catch his drift.
Obamanomics
The president is also defending the gargantuan stimulus bill that he insisted had to be passed immediately to save the American economy from total collapse by saying it’s really not going to kick in until later this year. Who would’ve thought that Joe Biden would come off as the truthful one in this administration?
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In other news, Joe Biden will no longer be invited to the president’s barbecues.
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Our crack staff will also stay on top of AssPeekGate for breaking developments.
BREAKING!
This just in from our Oregon bureau chief.
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Our St. Lucia bureau also checks in.
Auto Erotic
“General Motors emerged from bankruptcy yesterday, with chief executive Fritz Henderson promising that the fallen corporate giant will be revived and that ‘business as usual is over’,” the Washington Post reports.
GM then unveiled its new logo.
National Security Alert
As Natasha would say, “Duh.”
Crypt King
But he reserves the right to file an amended statement later.
Governor Goofy
But he reserves the right to change his mind later.
Flu Furor
This can only end badly.
Now Trending
#unacceptable.
Missing Link
Funeral service cheats fans.
Weekend Pick
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Posted on July 11, 2009