By Natasha Julius
Don’t let the reports of confusion and collapse fool you. The international criminal resistance is still a threat. We’ll stay vigilant for you.
Change Watch
As a key Change indice cracks the triple digits this weekend, it looks like most investors still favor the same old crap.
Name Change
Shocking news from the U.S. Female Index as blue-chip leader Virginal Shut-In saw her profits eclipsed by Fictional Busy-Body. Over on the Male Index, All-Star Guard and Second Fiddle failed to dent the earnings of Biblical Patriarch.
Chicago 2060
It looks as though officials chairing Chicago’s 2016 Olympic bid have an alternate plan in case Rio really did blow us out of the water: go after the 2060 Games. Sources close to the bid committee say variety will be key with events such as marathon lawyering, synchronized ticketing and the crowd-pleasing spectacle of second-generation criminal fame-whoring.
Longer Odds
Meanwhile, experts note that if Chicago can’t even beat the current Games holders, it’ll be tough to nail down either spot.
Derby Upset
Finally this week, we can’t end without recalling one of the greatest sporting upsets of all time. In a star-studded Bad Publicity Stunt Derby field, overwhelming favorite Ill-Advised Flyover was toppled by the lowly Colorado Avalanche.
Posted on May 9, 2009