By Natasha Julius
On this holiday weekend, we’ll stay on top of all the vital confectionary news that seems to have gripped the city.
Change Watch
Markets were somewhat indifferent this week to local retailers’ attempts to clear out an embarrassing backlog. After all, it’s not like they’re going to cut production any time soon.
Six-Party Flops
It appears the complex network of powers coordinating efforts to restrain Iran’s nuclear potential have, perhaps inevitably, faced humiliating defeat this week. Experts remain hopeful, however, saying the six-party system could work with a few minor tweaks:
1. British representatives should recruit pop sensation Lily Allen. After all, the singer has already successfully reinterpreted the ravings of another international pariah.
2. The US delegation must muzzle some its more prominent critics.
3. Could we get Annette Bening involved somehow?
TB-Jeebies
Local hospitals are working feverishly to track down and test anyone who had contact with a doctor who tested positive for tuberculosis. Chicago’s chief medical officer confirmed anyone testing positive for the disease will be shuffled off to Stroger as quickly as possible.
Cost of Freedom
Finally this week, as we approach April 15, President Obama has spotted a “glimmer of hope” amid all the bleak economic news: When you’re already poor it takes less time for the government to bleed you dry.
Posted on April 11, 2009