By Natasha Julius
Oh, keep your pants on. We’ll still be watching the news that matters.
Change Watch
In a welcome sign that, at last, a new era of responsibility has dawned, Wall Street admitted this week that there’s more wealth to share when less people have access to it. Just ask the federal government.
French and Furious
French President Nicolas Sarkozy this week looked to celebrate the 60th installment of a franchise he reluctantly shuffled back into by parading a couple of hotties in front of the press. You know, sort of like Vin Diesel.
Fast and Spurious
Meanwhile, United States President Barack Obama welcomed to the North Atlantic Treaty Organization two nations that are neither north nor Atlantic. “Take that, UN,” Obama declared. “Someday soon we won’t need your help at all to invade other countries.”
Fast Injurious
North Korean officials this week maintain they are in no way planning to nuke the shit out of Japan, South Korea or parts of the United States’ western seaboard. In a welcome sign that, at last, a new era of responsibility has dawned, President Obama has responded by reminding the Hermit Kingdom that this is why no one likes them. “Like I told Silvio,” the President said, “after a while, the act gets old.”
Webb of Justice
Finally this week, for those concerned Chicago attorney Dan Webb won’t be able to apply his special brand of judicial magic to the case of indicted former governor Rod Blagojevich, don’t worry. He’s still doing whatever he can.
Posted on April 4, 2009