By Steve Rhodes
I guess I’ll be the one wearing all black today. My poor Twins. Such a cute little team. And very nice people.
But a tip of the cap to the White Sox. Our very own Ricky O’Donnell has more in The White Sox Report.
Midway Monster
“Midway Airport would become the nation’s first privately-run major commercial airport and stay that way for 99 years, under a blockbuster $2.5 billion deal announced Tuesday that will create a windfall to shore up city pensions and rebuild Chicago’s aging infrastructure,” the Sun-Times reports.
“If you’re not creative in an economic crisis for your city,” Mayor Daley said, “where are you gonna get the infrastructure money to compete?”
So . . . we get our infrastructure money by selling our infrastructure?
“Roughly $1.3 billion of the proceeds will be used to pay off Midway Airport debt. State law requires 90 percent of the $1 billion profit to be used to bankroll city infrastructure projects and shore up under-funded city employee pension funds.
“That leaves $100 million to be spent at the mayor’s discretion.”
Oversight is for Wall Street!
“But, he’s not about to use it on payroll.”
So don’t get any ideas, fellas.
“John Schmidt, the former Daley chief of staff now serving as counsel to the city on the Midway deal, has already been paid $1.7 million in legal fees and stands to get $1.5 million more when the airport deal closes.”
If I’ve done my math right, that’s a $3.4 million payday. Nice work if you can get Daley to let you get it.
And how does a private operator make money on an airport?
“Parking rates likely to skyrocket and food, retail costs will increase, too.”
So a Coke at Midway will probably go for about $9, beers for $14. Small lite beers, that is. In plastic cups.
The insults to our intelligence are free, however.
“You don’t make money by charging higher prices,” Schmidt said.
Then how did you make yours? Volume?
“You make money by offering people more opportunity. People may drink more. But I don’t think they’ll pay more for their drinks.”
So the real profit opportunity to be exploited here is more airport drunkenness?
Hey John, call me – I have a wager for you. If prices don’t go up at Midway, I’ll pay you another $3.4 million. If they do, you can pay me just $34,000. Let’s shake on it.
Rope-a-Dope
In case you were wondering – because I was – what snarky comment Richard Roeper was referring to you yesterday (third item) when he said that Tina Fey had recently called him out in a Playboy interview, I looked up the Fey piece in the January 2008 edition and found this:
PLAYBOY: Some older male comics like Jerry Lewis have argued that women aren’t funny. Does it piss you off, or is it easy to ignore?
FEY: The only people I’ve heard say that are Jerry Lewis and Richard Roeper. That’s not a strong showing. Yeah, Richard Roeper is hi-larious. Remember his radio show? Me neither.”
Here’s more on the dust-up in real time from Chicagoist.
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UPDATE: 1:15 P.M.: Oops, forgot that I wanted to include this monstrosity from Christopher Hitchens making the same argument about women lacking in the gifts of humor.
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Millennium Park Blues
They destroyed his garden and all he got was a lousy buck.
Our Congressmen At Work
Jerry Weller goes out with class.
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Greta Van Susteren asks why.
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Can we dock his pay?
Gov. Baloneyvich
No wonder state government is so dysfunctional. Rod Blagojevich claimed at the Cubs rally yesterday that “Some of the times I have to make decisions as governor, I ask myself, What would Lou do? Then I make decisions.”
First, I seriously doubt the governor has ever paused to consider what Lou Piniella would do when it’s come time to, say, decide on a budget or whether to veto a bill. Name just one time, governor.
Second, what would Lou do?
A) He would shuffle his cabinet on a daily basis
B) He would back whichever legislator had a hot hand
C) He wouldn’t be afraid to use legislators in their first term instead of ineffectual veterans
Wait a second, maybe the governor is on to something after all.
Face of America
Meet Mildred Howell.
Pundit Co-Dependency
When Andrew Greeley watched the debates and thought for himself, he thought, “My guy is getting creamed!”
But after he “read the data from the instant surveys” – and now doubt checked in on some of the developing punditry – he discovered he was wrong when he was thinking on his own.
Perhaps he consulted Roger Ebert.
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Similarly, Josh Kalven of Progress Illinois – a blog sponsored by the Service Employees International Union to further its political agenda – wrote on Monday of the “emerging narrative” of the debate that occurred on Friday when, you know, the narrative had not yet emerged.
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CORRECTION 1:15 P.M.: Josh’s post went up Saturday at 5:59 P.M.; it was featured in the Progress Illinois daily e-mail alert on Monday. My mistake.
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Angel Cake
Chicagoan Damon Ranger tells former Sun-Times TV columnist Doug Elfman – now at the Las Vegas Review-Journal that the new Criss Angel show out there is a train wreck. Even fans taking a break at the urinals were chanting bullshit from their, um, standing position. “Dude, it’s a train wreck,” Ranger said. (via the Sun-Times)
Palin Piler
Bill Zwecker notes today (mid-column) that Sandra Bernhard will be in town for two Halloween shows later this month as part of Steppenwolf’s Traffic series.
I wonder if she’ll do this bit:
“Now you got Uncle Women, like Sarah Palin, who jumps on the shit and points her fingers at other women. Turncoat bitchh! Don’t you fuckin’ reference Old Testament, bitch! You stay with your new Goyish crappy shiksa funky bullshit! Don’t you touch my Old Testament, you bitchh! Because we have left it open for interpre-ta-tion! It is no longer taken literally! You whore in your fuckin’ cheap New Vision cheap-ass plastic glasses and your hair up. A Tina Fey-Megan Mullally brokedown bullshit moment.”
Or better yet, the one where she says that if Sarah Palin ever comes to Manhattan, she will be “gang-raped by my big black brothers.”
Oh, you’re encouraged to attend Bernhard’s Steppenwolf shows in costume, so, you know . . . Enjoy!
The Beachwood Tip Line: Goyish shiksa funk welcome.
Posted on October 1, 2008