By Natasha Julius
You’ll have enough to worry about watching the Bears on Sunday. Let us handle the rest of the news.
Market Update
It’s all a little beyond us, but experts suggest Progress has once again been battered due to overheating in certain market sectors. Analysts warn nervous investors may see this as a sign that international markets are a safer bet for new revenue streams.
Junk Science
Just remember when you open your mail at the end of the month that all that stress you’ve been hearing about is based on totally flawed theories.
Ryder Cup Update
After one day of competition at Valhalla, the United States has built up what looks to be a comfortable lead. However, commentators have warned that the European team is being scored in euros and, therefore, nothing is safe.
Arms Race
Tired of accusations she is aping vacuous starlet Paris Hilton, Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin this week reminded members of the media that she is the original Nuclear Babe. “And if Paris Hilton keeps trying to follow my lead,” Palin worried aloud, “you can kiss old-school glamour and elegance goodbye.”
War of Words
Meanwhile, Joe Biden would like you to know he’s relevant and controversial too.
Mad Men
In other news, duh.
Sneaky Trap
Finally this week, remember: If you don’t not help out your friends, your opponents can’t not accuse you of being untough on corruption. Got it?
Posted on September 20, 2008