By Natasha Julius
Who needs to import stories about drug-addled thugs winding up in the pokey from across the pond? We’ve got our own sloppy, drunken mess right here at home!
Market Update
Amid reports of homelessness, delinquency and rampaging oilcolohism, America’s chief spin doctor Ben Bernanke finally suggested this week that his client may be a little depressed.
Bad Company
Meanwhile, sources close to America are speaking out, detailing what they call a massive increase in aggressive behavior over the past few years. Most agree the mood swings started when the country started running with the wrong crowd.
Cut Off
Perhaps sensing the need for an intervention, China has agreed to stop supplying America with designer drugs. However, cynical observers note China has shown no interest in helping the U.S. kick its growing dependence on cheap consumer crap.
Fall Out
While most experts agree America will have to hit “rock bottom” before changing its ways, the negative impact from decades of abuse and neglect are already starting to show in some places.
Posted on November 10, 2007