By Natasha Julius
We’re playing hurt this week, but that won’t stop us bringing you the stories that matter most.
Axis Update
President Bush this week once again urged the nation not to let Lindsey Lohan turn into another Nicole Richie. This warning came even as party stalwarts appeared to signal they were not willing to subject the nation to a Paris Hilton-style engagement. Meanwhile, Britney Spears has reached a new level of devastation.
Coalition Fractures
Despite a serious friendly fire incident, Amy Winehouse this week insisted she is standing by her coalition partner and that all damage was self-inflicted. And you know what? She’s got a point.
See No Evil
Shaken by criticisms and accusations of abandoning six Crandall Canyon Mine workers, Murray Energy Corp chief Bob Murray vowed this week never to return to the “evil mountain”. No word yet on whether he will return to any of the other evil mountains around the country in which he owns mining concerns.
Happy Returns
We bid a very happy birthday his week to the Big Mac, McDonald’s signature outsized sandwich. Packing a robust 30 grams of fat and 1010 milligrams of sodium, the middle-aged burger is set to eclipse the life-expectancy of its average consumer sometime in the next 20 years.
Sabanic Cults
Finally, critics of the University of Alabama’s controversial hiring of professional dirtbag Nick Saban have at last been silenced. It appears the shameless football coach is already making his mark in Tuscaloosa.
Posted on August 25, 2007