By Jim Coffman and Steve Rhodes with Thomas Chambers
Beyond the Square Pool: The Game, The Bets & The Depravity. Plus: As The Bulls Turn & Finally Appreciating Ernie Banks.
Posted on January 31, 2015
The College Football Report: The Season Is Over But Beanies Are Forever
By Mike Luce
Ohio State’s victory over Oregon not only settled the question of the 2014 college football championship but also validated – at least for the inaugural season – the playoff format.
As Deadspin rightly pointed out, the doubters, haters, and the delusional few who harkened back to the Golden Years of the BCS were proven wrong as Ohio State ran the table against the nation’s elite. The Buckeyes took all the “Yes, but . . . ” objections off the table. The only question remained, not did the best or most deserving team win, but how badly the Buckeyes would have spanked the opposition had they fielded the starting, much less second-string, quarterback for the Playoffs rather than third-stringer and surprise hero Cardale Jones.
However much it pains us to say it, Urban Meyer and his indomitable squad merit all the hardware. Oddly enough, if not for “Ohio State” on the jersey, it would have made for a classic David-Goliath story, but most people outside of Columbus (not just Ohio) hate OSU, so that doesn’t work, and Jones is way too big, and far too talented, to play Rudy.
All in all, the happiest contingent had to have been the sharps. At +$175, the OSU money line paid out a tidy sum to those who believed Marcus Mariota was overhyped and the Buckeyes undervalued.
Posted on January 30, 2015
Ernie Banks Was Not A Wind-Up Toy Part 2
He Did Not, In Fact, Ignore Race
In this revealing interview, Ernie Banks describes feeling more comfortable in the Negro Leagues than the Major Leagues, and how he lived a life separate from his white teammates.
Posted on January 29, 2015
Mr. Cub’s Last Stand: Ernie Banks, 1986
‘I Still Got It!’
On February 16, 1986, players from the 1969 Cubs and Mets met in Arizona for a charity event called The Dream Game. This video from the Media Burn Archive captures Ernie Banks chatting it up before and after his run-scoring double in the first inning.
Posted on January 28, 2015
It’s Back! The Beachwood Super Bowl Halftime Show Prop Bet: Katy Perry Edition
By Natasha Julius
UPDATE, Jan. 30: Some late-breaking news: The incongruous Lenny Kravitz is out and the delightful Missy Elliott is in. It is strongly hinted that she will be performing Work It. It should also be noted that Missy Elliott guested on “Last Friday Night,” a song that chronicles the catastrophic effects of a spilled drink on Katy Perry’s circuitry. Apparently, it will wipe Katy Perry’s RAM cache and cause a glitch that repeats on subsequent Friday nights. It’s also a song that the NFL will never, ever, ever allow Katy Perry to play for obvious inebriated-rapey reasons (sample lyric: “There’s a stranger in my bed/there’s a pounding in my head”). These are the facts, people.
Anyone wishing to revise their predictions based on this new information, you have until Sunday at noon.
I don’t believe Katy Perry’s breasts will spout anything during Missy Elliott’s performance as this would not be a sufficiently hetero-normative display of temporary lesbianism.
You guys, the NFL gives up. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep women happy? Well, not so much “happy” as “not disgusted?” Women are really sensitive about random things like child abuse and cold-cocking your fiancee and buying off the San Jose police department. And when you say you have a zero tolerance policy, women will actually expect you to tolerate zero. What’s up with that?
That’s why this year, the league has decided to court the only easy-to-please group of females left on earth: four-year-old girls. While grown women will sniff, “It’ll take more than Idina Menzel singing the national anthem to distract me from Ballghazi,” four-year-old girls will squeal, “QUEEN ELSA!!!!” And while grown women decry the alienation of actual human superstar and domestic violence survivor Rihanna (not to mention caterwauling sack of consciously-uncoupled dicks Coldplay), four-year-old girls will squeal, “KATY PERRY!!!!”
Posted on January 27, 2015
SportsMonday: Deflating Deflategate
By Jim Coffman
I must admit I jumped the gun last week regarding the NFL’s investigation of the New England Patriots’ possession of underinflated footballs. My doing so was Tom Brady’s fault but still . . .
Brady answered one question in particular in classic “I need to say this in such a way as to avoid a perjury charge if someone flips on me” fashion during his press conference regarding the matter.
The quarterback was asked “Is Tom Brady a cheater?” and answered “I don’t think so.”
The answer, of course, should have been “No!” or even better “Absolutely not!” The quarterback might have been distracted a bit by the strange use of the third person (perhaps the questioner was a little nervous and thought the query would be less offensive if he said it that way rather than “Are you a cheater?”).
Posted on January 26, 2015
The Beachwood Radio Hour #41: Ernie Banks Was Not Just A Bobblehead
By Steve Rhodes
Let’s not reduce him to a wind-up toy. Plus: Do We Really Need More Police Officers? Neither Side Wants You To Know; The Many Problems Of Political Polls; and Rahm Vs. The Field.
Posted on January 25, 2015
The Legacy Of Ernie Banks
By Roger Wallenstein
He’s gone now. Another flake of your childhood who departed without so much as a blink of the eye.
As youthful Sox fans, it fell to us to degrade, criticize and denigrate Ernie Banks. Oh, the arguments with our pals who loved Ernie and the Cubs.
I have no memory of discussions of Shakespeare, Hawthorne or Twain. But the inane banter of “I’d much rather have Aparicio. Banks only catches what’s hit to him. He has no range. So what if he hits 40 homers. The Cubs still stink!” will remain with me until my fate coincides with Ernie’s.
Posted on January 24, 2015
The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #35: Feeling Deflated
By Jim Coffman and Steve Rhodes
Tom Brady’s balls. Plus: Bears Dream Team; Bulls’ Weird-Ass Week; and Blue Demons Try To Justify New Arena.
Posted on January 23, 2015
SportsMonday: John Fox’s First Lesson
By Jim Coffman
The Bears probably had to commit to another year of Jay Cutler to land John Fox. But once Fox has a chance to really take a look at the quarterback he inherited, as well as Cutler’s potential impact on the 2016 salary cap (in addition to 2015), hopefully he will reconsider.
Once Fox is officially on board today, we all know what the next order of business will be. I am on record as saying keeping Cutler is a mistake. Another season with Cutler at the helm is another season further away from winning a championship. But there is a very good chance Fox is thinking he’ll be the guy to at least convince Cutler to stop single-handedly losing games.
Posted on January 19, 2015