By Jim Coffman
It has to be called McDaniels’ Folly doesn’t it?
In the end, that’s how the Broncos’ ever-more-unfathomable trade of quarterback (the most important and difficult single position in all of team sports) Jay Cutler to the Bears will be remembered. You could hear it in announcers Al Michaels’ and Chris Collinsworth’s voices right from the get-go last night during the broadcast of the Bears’ pre-season contest at Denver.

Beachwood Baseball: The White Sox Report The Cub FactorPLUS: Ofman: Devin Hester, MVP

When they referred to Denver rookie head coach Josh McDaniels, the one whose inability to establish rapport with his team’s 25-year-old Pro Bowl quarterback led to the transaction, they didn’t come right out and say, “He seems like such a bright young man, how could he have been such an idiot?”
But the insinuation could not have been clearer and they kept it up all night long. In the end (a long, fourth-quarter interview) we found out former super-safety and new NBC studio analyst Rodney Harrison – local guy, former Western Illinois standout who won two Super Bowls during his six-year run with the Patriots after nine years with the Chargers – capped it all off by saying that yes, he thinks McDaniels is an idiot too.

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Posted on August 31, 2009

By George Ofman
The Argument by the water cooler, watering hole or Lake Michigan could sound like this: Jay Cutler is the Bears most valuable player. No, Devin Hester is.
They both could be.
Hester’s case is clear as punt return for a touchdown. He came very close to one in last night’s pre-season tilt in Denver. Aptly using blocks as he darted past would-be tacklers, Hester flew 54 yards to the 4-yard line to set up the Bears’ first touchdown. It was shades of his first two years when he electrified the city and the entire NFL with 11 kickoff and punt returns for touchdowns. The decision to move Hester to wide receiver last year produced a profound effect: no returns for touchdowns.

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Posted on August 31, 2009

By Andrew Reilly
Let’s get one thing straight: the Sox, mathematically, are not out of it. The Tigers are bad enough to collapse, the Twins are probably not for real and the Sox, as we have seen, are capable of some weird baseball outcomes.
That said, the literal crushing the Sox received from the big kids this week should have shown us once and for all that it’s over. They won’t go 0-for-the rest of the season, but there are probably no more significant games left. It might sound negative to write them off in August, but can any among us really see this team making some kind of push towards glory? Of course not.

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Posted on August 31, 2009

By Marty Gangler:
Another lost Cubs season, another poorly constructed team. What was Jim Hendry thinking? We here at The Cub Factor drove out to Hendry’s palatial estate to find out. Hendry wasn’t there, but the source of the problem became clear as we nosed around the grounds.
Hendry’s Home: Sources told The Cub Factor that for a long time the front door led right into the basement. Then that door was replaced with a bunch of other front doors but you really just need one, so it got kind of confusing. And while some doors led to an upstairs bedroom and others led to someone else’s house, they all eventually lead to fourth place.
Hendry’s Rowboat: We found it in the garage, up on blocks. The boat itself is made out of really expensive wood, but the paddles are missing the “paddle” part. So they are like just long sticks with holes in them, and when you row you don’t go anywhere. Plus, Hendry insisted they be left-handed, even though that doesn’t make them any better.

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Posted on August 31, 2009

By Thomas Chambers

Peace of mind. I’ve got it.
I chuckle because I don’t care about Milton Bradley, Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Zambrano, and Jay Cutler. The names alone send chills, and not the good kind. I’ll never feel the embarrassment of having a closet full of Favre or Urlacher or Cutler jerseys, because I will invest nothing of my soul to these guys. And I will never reach for a ball or throw beer on a player, first reason being that I won’t even be there.
I gravitate towards the greatest game, Thoroughbred horse racing. The great ones, like Cigar, or John Henry, or Secretariat, or Affirmed come only once a generation. The beautiful thing is that you usually don’t invest your soul or crushable emotion into an individual horse. You love the game. That’s because if a horse gets beat – and even the magnificent Man o’ War and Secretariat both got beat – he either got beat by a better horse, or a better horse on that day. Upset and Onion ran just as hard as those two legends. These are truly noble, honest animals. This, we horseplayers know.

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Posted on August 28, 2009

By George Ofman
He just can’t help himself. This is what fuels Milton the Martyr. The whole world is after him. It’s not his fault, it’s someone else. Whether admitting he doesn’t have rapport with most of his teammates to being called a piece of shit by his manager, Milton the Martyr can’t escape the limelight, or himself.

Over/Under: New Cubs odds

And now the word hatred creeps in. This is dangerous territory. Following last night’s humiliating loss to the Nationals, a game in which he actually had success going 4-for-4, Milton Bradley again was the target of the fans derision. “It’s never comfortable,” he said.”It’s hard to be comfortable when you don’t get a hit and you get booed every time. When I go home I look in the mirror, I like what I see. My family is there”
Don’t going anywhere; it gets more intriguing, if not mind-boggling.

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Posted on August 27, 2009

By The Beachwood Goat Affairs Desk
What the book says for the rest of the season.
* Milton Bradley hissy fits: +/- 2.5
* Carlos Marmol walk-off walks: +/- 3
* Bonus: Marmol hit batters: +/- 2
* Number of leadoff hitters: +/- 4
* Bonus: Nationalities of leadoff hitters: +/- 3
* Number of blown Kevin Gregg saves: +/- 1
* Bonus: Duration of Gregg’s remaining career: +/- 2 seasons
* Soriano dropped flies: +/- 1.5
* Chance it will be revealed Soriano injured his knee doing that stupid hop: +/- one in five

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Posted on August 27, 2009

By George Ofman
Heeee’s back – again. Just when you thought it was safe to consider the NFC North a two-quarterback division, you still can. Brett Favre, waffling as often as Charles Grassley on health care, has declared his love for the Vikings and his desire to pummel the Packers and Bears. Maybe he’ll gain his revenge against Green Bay, but he’ll never get a chance against the Bears. That’s because Favre will be a non-factor by then. Either he’ll have been sacked into yet another retirement, his right arm will fall into one of Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes or teammates will simply offer him a road map to Mississippi. The Vikings don’t play the Bears until November 29th, at which time Favre will be watching Tarvaris Jackson heave interceptions instead of himself.

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Posted on August 26, 2009

By Eric Emery
As most fans ready themselves with their impending fantasy football drafts and ironing their new purple #4 jerseys, married fans must do a little extra research before the season. A majority of married fans need to be aware of how the football world connects with popular culture. For instance, you need to know the name of that big butted gal who dated Reggie Bush and the Simpson girl who jinxed Tony Romo. If you know these names, your significant other may root along with you. But without the extra popular culture knowledge, you may find yourself watching the World Championships of Figure Skating. When that happens, like in nuclear war, nobody wins.
Here are some less-than-notable football/pop culture connections that you can try out to impress your better half:
* On their first date, Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher challenged Kate Gosselin to put her kids up against his in a game of hoops. Vegas favored Team Urlacher due to its “deep bench.”
* Rap artist 50 Cent and Bengals wideout Chad “Ocho Cinco”Johnson scrapped plans to form a rap duo called “A Buck Thirty Five.”
* The Detroit Lions scrapped plans to appear on the new season of The Biggest Loser when they learned the show wasn’t what they thought it was.

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Posted on August 25, 2009

By Jim Coffman
We’re all taking deep breaths now and repeating our mantra: “Exhibition games don’t mean anything. Exhibition games don’t mean anything.”
Okay, they mean that Devin Hester will continue to make us doubt that he is close to capable of No. 1 receiver-dom and make us wish he might, I don’t know, return a kick or two during the pre-season, considering we can still remember that he was the best returner in NFL history but a brief little season ago.

Beachwood Baseball: The White Sox Report The Cub Factor George Ofman: A Soriano SagaPLUS: Mike Conklin: Derrick Rose: Bit Player

But otherwise . . . “. . . don’t mean anything . . . don’t mean anything . . .”
Learn it, love it, live it.
Well, maybe they mean a little. That pass that Cutler threw to a tightly covered Bennett (Earl that is) on third-and-long deep in his own territory after two lame Matt Forte runs against a stacked (against the run) Giant defense, the pass that kicked off the Bears’ first scoring drive and energized everything, the one that young Jay C. threw into a window that measured approximately two feet by one foot . . . that was pretty good.

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Posted on August 24, 2009