By Mike Luce

For those of you who may have missed the opening weekend of the 2017 college football bowl season, a total of 10 teams played in five games. Five of those teams emerged victorious. Five did not. Another game took place on Tuesday. More games follow. You may not have been aware of this. That’s where The College Football Report comes in.
First, a recap of The Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl
Akron Zips 3 vs. Florida Atlantic Owls 50 (at FAU Football Stadium in Boca Raton, FL)
That final tally isn’t a typo: the match was anything but competitive. After a brief sign of life in the first quarter culminated in a missed chip shot from the Owl’s 21, the Zips faded fast and trailed for the remainder. Even the hefty 22-point spread wasn’t in doubt for long. The close of the first quarter said it all. With the quarter winding down to a scoreless tie, FAU drove the ball to a first-and-goal. Three missed opportunities later saw Florida Atlantic coach Lane Kiffin (yes, that Lane Kiffin) stomping the sidelines in open frustration. His team reached the postseason on a 10-game win streak including victories by a least a two-touchdown margin in all but one (a five-point W over Marshall) game during that stretch. On Tuesday, viewers were treated to Lane Kiffin Face following a dud draw play on third-and-goal. Kiffin doesn’t take failure with grace (nor is he a fan of sportsmanship, as the score suggests) and anything short of a touchdown was unacceptable. A hurry-up snap and toss to the endzone on 4th-and-goal and, bingo, Owls 7, Zips zip and the rout was on.

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Posted on December 20, 2017

The Biggest Bust On This Team Is The Coach

“It was just a football game against a division team that was in playoff contention,” Adam Hoge writes for WGN-AM.

There, you just read the worst lede in the history of sports writing.
Except that sentence is actually a direct quote from the head coach of the Chicago Bears after John Fox fell to 3-14 against the NFC North with a 20-10 loss to the Lions Saturday at Ford Field.
“Overall, I think it was just a football game against a division team that was in playoff contention,” Fox said as he opened his postgame press conference. “We just didn’t start fast. We had penalties, in particularly on offense. To spot them 13 points in the first half, the guys battled, kind of semi got back into it. But a little bit too little too late.”
By “semi got back into it,” Fox means the Bears scored their first touchdown of the game with 2:32 left in the fourth quarter before “semi” trying an on-side kick by pooching the ball 37 yards downfield where there were exactly zero players wearing Bears jerseys.
Fox also “semi” tried to score points earlier in the game before punting on 4th-and-1 on his own 45 yard line. And, according to him, he never even “semi” considered going for it, despite trailing 6-0 early in the second quarter – or, perhaps more notably, owning a 4-9 record.

And so on.
At least we won’t – presumably – have John Fox to kick around much longer. Ryan Pace, inexplicably, appears to be a different story.

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Posted on December 18, 2017

By Jim Coffman

Remember way back at the beginning of the Blackhawks’ season when fans were worried about the team’s depth on defense, especially after the team traded away veteran blue-liner and ultra-shot-blocking tough guy Niklas Hjalmarsson?
Well, that is no longer a concern.
Not after Jordan Oesterle, languishing as the seventh defenseman on a team only playing six, started seeing ice time eight games ago.
He’s been nothing but good (piling up an impressive plus-6 rating) and had his best game Sunday night as the Hawks made it six victories in a row with a 4-1 thrashing of the Minnesota Wild. If the season ended today, the Hawks would squeak into the playoffs as a wild card, something they weren’t able to say for an uncomfortably long time.

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Posted on December 18, 2017

By Mike Luce

College football fans may be among the few Americans not ready for the year to end. The bulk of the nation, if not busy fleeing “nightmarish flame and towering smoke“, plunging into debt in a shopping orgy, or camping out in line for Star Wars*, will welcome Baby New Year with open arms. That is, until Junior is outed by the FBI for babbling state secrets into his Classic Fisher-Price Chatter Phone toy. For now, we can look forward to 2018 with the naive optimism that is the calling card of this great nation. Should you need a distraction in the interim, CBS, ABC, Fox Sports, and all the ESPNs have you covered. Just ask any college football fan: we are entering the Gridiron Grand Finale, the Pigskin Pinnacle, the seasonal smorgasbord that is Bowl . . . er, Season. Forty (for-ty, four-zero, FORTY!) games await beginning with a brief slate of games this weekend. Call them the amuse-bouche. We are not above eager anticipation of the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl and others kicking off this Saturday.
Note: this Report omits the Celebration Bowl for no other reason than we don’t want to slip down the slope that is covering anything outside the NCAA Division I Football Bowl Subdivision.
The R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Troy University Trojans (-6.5) vs. University of North Texas Mean Green
Saturday, December 16, 1 p.m. ESPN (Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans, LA)
Selecting the nickname for Troy University’s football squad must have been among the easiest decision in sports. The origin story of the Mean Green, however, is murky. Several competing tales claim the coach’s wife, or the announcer, or various other sources, picked the name.
Our favorite involves an impromptu cheer led by two drunken NTU football players. Legend has it that during a game in the late ’60s, UNT players Willie “Sleepy” Davis and Ira “Hotrod” Daniels downed a bottle (a little one, supposedly, however keep in mind this is Texas, where Everything Is Bigger) at halftime and Davis, irritated at the crowd’s lack of enthusiasm in the second half, sprung to his feet and led the student section in a rousing chorus of “Mean Green, you look so good to me!” We have no idea what that means. Perhaps the lyric referenced the dominant play of Pittsburgh Steelers legend “Mean” Joe Greene. It’s unclear. Also, drinking at halftime?
College Football Report pick: All the money (85%) is on Troy. Betting the chalk is boring and uncontroversial. Experts look lazy when picking the favorite. And yet . . . An early line movement from -7 to -6.5 may be the only cause to believe the ‘dogs are underrated. (Perhaps not the only reason, as the Mean Green did finish with a 9-4 record including wins against . . . well, one of the Ws came against the Texas-San Antonio Roadrunners, so let’s not look further at UNT’s record.) Bettors aren’t exempt from dumb herd animal behavior any more than other large group of people, but we think taking the favorite is the move here. You’ll note a trend throughout in fact.
The College Football Free Range Antibiotic Free Sacred Chicken**: Troy by 2.

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Posted on December 15, 2017

By Jim Coffman and Steve Rhodes

Willful ignorance. Plus: Devin Hester Retires Ridiculous And So Should Zach Miller; Schwarbs Shapes Up; Maddon’s Song Remains The Same; Manny Madness; Real Chicago Blackhawks; and Niko Is Back.

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Posted on December 15, 2017

Parents Stunned; Decorated Westmont Coach

“The gymnastics community let out a collective ‘shock’ and ‘disbelief’ on Monday upon learning the news that former elite gymnast Todd Gardiner of the Illinois Gymnastics Institute and one of the most decorated Illinois coaches in the sport was found by USA Gymnastics to have violated their code of ethical of conduct,” NBC5 reports.

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Posted on December 14, 2017

Why Humiliate Chicago State? From Now On, We’re Cougars Fans

It was 55-8 at halftime.
“We don’t often write first-half recaps on this here blog because, well, one half of basketball isn’t worth its own story, especially when the people who care are watching the game anyway,” Russell Steinberg wrote for SBNation.
“We’re making an exception today. Northwestern currently leads Chicago State 55-8 at the half. 55-8. Fifty-five to eight.
“Chicago State, a university that is clinging to life, is one of the worst teams in Division I. The Cougars came into the game ranked 343rd out of 351 teams in KenPom, don’t own a win over a Division I opponent, and are projected to finish the season 4-27.”

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Posted on December 12, 2017

By Jim Coffman

At this point, about all I can say is the Hawks don’t stink.
They also aren’t good but at least a fan doesn’t automatically think of them when they catch a whiff of the areas where hockey players change, which are known for being even more pungent than the average locker room.
The Blackhawks finally played a decent period (the third) in the middle of their easiest schedule stretch of the season and that enabled them to knock off the Arizona Coyotes 3-1 on Sunday night. On Friday they rallied to barely edge the Buffalo Sabres 3-2 on an overtime goal with :04.9 remaining.
And just like that, the Hawks have combined with the Bears and the Bulls for a five-game local winning streak after the group lost 20 in a row together (Bulls 10, Bears 5 and Hawks 5).

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Posted on December 11, 2017

A Beatdown Of The Bengals Does Not A Job Save

“The last time the Bears were victorious was the same week the Cubs last won a game, and if that feels like a long time ago, it’s because it was,” Barry Rozner writes for the Daily Herald.

I hope we can all agree that even if this #Bears lead holds up, John Fox, Ryan Pace, Ted Phillips and George McCaskey should still all be fired.

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) December 10, 2017

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Posted on December 11, 2017

By Jim Coffman and Steve Rhodes

John Fox still coach, Ryan Pace still MIA, undeserving mediocre family still in charge. Plus: Cubs Stove League; The Loyola Ramblers Exist!; Coming Soon: The Niko Mirotic Story; Blackhawks Flat As A Pancake; Mystery Soccer Stadium; and Music City, Schmusic City Bowl.

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Posted on December 8, 2017