By Steve Rhodes

Now that was a victory!
After eeking out three wins against crappy teams this season by less than a cumulative touchdown to go with their four predictable losses, the Bears finally looked like a professional football team Sunday in stomping all over a mediocre St. Louis Rams team having a very bad day.
And while the sad performance of said opponent would usually call for tempering any enthusiasm about a Bears victory, this time they did what a good team does and stepped on the Rams’ neck. Bravo.

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Posted on November 16, 2015

By Last Week Tonight

The sports media industrial complex that invests, promotes and discusses daily fantasy sports has more conflicts of interest than a metaphor in a whorehouse.
Plus: “Daily fantasy sports sites claim they are not gambling enterprises, but they seem awfully . . . gamblish. If only their ads were more truthful.”
Such as the ones provided in this journalistically inspiring ultimate takedown.

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Posted on November 16, 2015

By Jim Coffman and Steve Rhodes

Kill fanboy groupthink! Plus: Fight The Bulls Narratives!; Partisan Sports-Watching; Blackhawks Still Trying To Find A Narrative!; and The Hottish Stove League.

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Posted on November 13, 2015

By Dan O’Shea

Since I questioned the fantasy value of Alshon Jeffery a few weeks ago, I feel the need to follow up now and give credit where it’s due: Jeffery has been nothing short of awesome since returning to regular play three weeks ago.
In that span, he’s had outings with receiving yard totals of 147 yards, 116 yards, and most recently on Monday night, 151 yards. Any concerns about lingering injury effects or Jeffery’s ability to handle No. 1 receiver status have fallen away.
The most amazing part is that he probably still isn’t completely in synch with Jay Cutler – he made a couple moves Monday night that were just poor play and reaction on his part, and one of them resulted in a pick-six. Imagine what happens when he shakes off more of this mental rust. He could have a 200-yard game before the season is done.
So, good for you if you kept the faith and kept him on your fantasy team, and even better for you if you managed to obtain him in a buy-low trade. Right now, I’m just glad the one trade offer I did package him in weeks ago was rejected.

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Posted on November 12, 2015

By Carl Mohrbacher

Pre-Game
Me: Ugh. Monday night game. Guess we should cut down on the sauce. Got work tomorrow.
Mrs. Wifey: Suck it up dude. If Jon Gruden says “this guy” before one more dude’s name, we have to drink a bottle of wine.
Me: One of these day’s he’s going to call Lisa Salters “this guy Lisa,” and on that day we’ll do heroin. But tonight, I better change the channel, what with the mortgage and all. If we get started now . . .
Mrs. Wifey (opening a bottle of wine): Oh, you don’t like your job that much (pours two glasses). And Gruden just called Mike Tirico “this guy Mike.” Bottoms up.

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Posted on November 12, 2015

By David Epstein/ProPublica

On Monday, the World Anti-Doping Agency issued a report painting Russia’s sports programs as doping machines reminiscent of East Germany’s erstwhile state-sponsored drug programs.
This year we’ve written about the use of prescription drugs to enhance performance and why it’s so hard to catch dopers.
But in Russia, there appeared to be no need for ever-more advanced maneuvering to evade positive tests. In Russia, athletes simply needed cash and a culture that rewarded a no-holds-barred drive for champions.

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Posted on November 11, 2015

By Jim Coffman

If I have to hear one more thing about the poor Chargers and their horribly unfair run of injuries . . .
Exactly how long is it going to take for the big re-set? That will be the one when announcers like Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico (and they have plenty of company along these lines) finally figure out that NFL football games featuring only an injury or two are the exception and have been for a while.
Do these guys, who called the Bears’ 22-19 victory at San Diego on Monday night, pay attention to the injury reports at all? Because if they did, they would know that the rule is now that NFL teams deal with at least a dozen significant injuries every week and that players are dropping like flies in game after game. And it is way past time for the average NFL announcer to acknowledge this fact. I hate to break it to them, but the Chargers’ run of injuries is now the norm.

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Posted on November 10, 2015

By Jim Coffman and Steve Rhodes

Media narratives are not your friend. Plus: The Bears Stay The Course; Cubs At Peak Betting Value; Dusty Hoiberg; Patrick Kane Not Vindicated; Kane D.A. Shows Caveman Colors; Blackhawks Blues; and Wearing Kane’s Jersey.

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Posted on November 6, 2015

By Carl Mohrbacher

Week 8 Recap
BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Week 9: 10 Reasons To Watch
There are plenty of reasons to feel down about the last two weeks, what with the losing, the injuries to key players, the bad tackling, the terrible special teams play. I repeat, GOOOOOOO!!!
I mean, “boo.” Damn you autocorrect.
But what really grinds my gears is . . .
[Editor’s Note: It gets a little racist for about a paragraph. For those of you who read the piece before the “Top 10 Reasons That The Kolufo Tribe Are Scum” section was removed, we apologize. Please know that Carl’s opinions do not reflect the views of the Beachwood Reporter and we respect your right to conduct interclan warfare on the basis of a suspicion of witchcraft.]
. . . and the notion that you give conjugal preference to your great uncle’s daughter in polygymous marriage is, at best, a dick move practiced by a real bunch of fuck-wits.
As I was saying, rather than spend more time discussing what went wrong, let’s explore some reasons to invest your time in the 2015 Bears.

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Posted on November 5, 2015

By Dan O’Shea

Week 8 of the NFL slate produced two of the biggest fantasy performances by QBs in recent memory, and it happened in a single game. Drew Brees, NO, threw for 505 yards and seven TDs, while his counterpart across the field, Eli Manning, NYG, aired out for 350 yards and six TDs.
The big day for Brees was so big that he outscored Manning in fantasy points by a full 15 points in standard leagues – 62 to 47. Not that you’d hear Manning’s owners complaining, since getting 47 points from your QB will go pretty far toward winning you the week.
If you are hoping these guys can do it again, it seems highly unlikely. The Saints beat the Giants 52-49 in a game that defined the word “shootout,” and that probably says more about the respective defenses than where the QBs are headed. Looking back over this season, Brees has been a yardage monster as usual, but was average about one TD and almost one INT per game coming into last week. Manning has had a couple very good games, but has been pretty inconsistent, and going into last week was not finding the end zone as often as we expected this year.

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Posted on November 5, 2015