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The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report: You Better Bill-ieve It’s A Must-Win!

By Carl Mohrbacher

Crystal Ball Edition.
Week 1: vs. Bills.
In a proverbial must-win Week One game, Donte Rosario explodes for three special teams tackles. During the second quarter, a mic’d up Mel Tucker is overheard muttering “Who the hell is playing quarterback for these assholes . . . ” on the live Fox broadcast. A frantic Lance Briggs is seen hurling a pulled pork sandwich over his shoulder and yelling “Oh shit, that was today???” into his cell phone while fleeing the The Double Nickel Smokehouse at 9:20 a.m. Pacific Sunday morning. Not to worry, Bears win 31-10.

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Posted on September 4, 2014

Fantasy Fix: Matt Forte And The Futures Market

By Dan O’Shea

Most decisions we make in fantasy football are based on the historical record. We say we balance the stats we have in hand with the ones we envision for the future, but when it comes time to draft, smart decisions are more like 90% based on fact and 10% based on what we see as the likely future course.
Call yourself a gambler if you like, but when it comes time to draft a running back, are you really going to go with the growing hype around Giovani Bernard over a proven top tier RB? Not likely. The numbers have been established, and they don’t lie. The future is fun to talk about, but a scattershot investment.
Still, the ability and the willingness to take chances is part of what makes fantasy sports so much fun. It’s why we make predictions, track potential sleepers and, every once in a while, draft Cordarelle Patterson over Victor Cruz.
And if you don’t even like taking mid-round or late-round chances, you can still let loose your inner gambler by participating in mock drafts. That’s how I stumbled onto the idea for this little exercise: Forget the numbers, and draft a team mostly based on future prospects and hype (though as I found out, you can’t entirely forget last year’s numbers). Anyway, this is what I ended up with through the first eight rounds in a mock draft when tried to think only about future potential.

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Posted on September 3, 2014

SportsMondayTuesday: Chris Conte Lurks

By Jim Coffman

I have no clue. Surely you’re not claiming you have one either. And yes, I’ll stop calling you Shirley.
I have no clue how good the 2014-15 Bears defense can be. Nor am I aware of the existence of any sort of comprehensive metric convincingly breaking down how bad they will be. I’m trying to say that in a “the glass is half full and half empty” sort of way. This defense could be good, certainly. It could also be very, very bad. And no one knows how it will play out – no one.
That makes predicting a record for the Bears a fool’s errand at this point. But I won’t let that sort of trivial detail get in the way of a fearlessly bold and in-the-end entirely inconsequential prognostication!

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Posted on September 2, 2014

The College Football Report Top Ten: Kenny Football Edition

By Mike Luce

1. The He-Could-Go-All-The-Way Award Winner: Jake Longenecker.
Auburn wide receiver Melvin Ray stands 6’3″ and can run 40 yards in 4.55 seconds. Jake Longenecker, the team ball boy, has got that beat. In (#6) Auburn’s 45-21 win over Arkansas on Saturday, Ray hauled in a 49-yard pass in the first quarter, streaking down the sidelines to score the first touchdown for the Tigers. In the highlight reel, Ray makes the grab and breaks for the end zone when suddenly Longenecker enters the frame, sprints after Ray and . . . appears to be making up ground as Ray crosses the goal line. Get that boy a uniform!

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Posted on September 2, 2014

In The Thick Of The Race!

By Roger Wallenstein

Jazz great Mose Allison wrote a song more than 50 years ago that could serve as the theme for the surprising turns the American League pennant races have taken since the July 31st trade deadline: “It Didn’t Turn Out That Way.”
Did anyone think then that neither the A’s nor the Tigers would be leading their divisions a month later, heading into the season’s final turn?
The White Sox are doing their part in the drama, having just split a four-game series with Detroit, whom they will see for three more games this month, and consummating a trade with Oakland, whom they will see for four. (They also have seven left against the division-leading Royals, including the last four of the season at The Cell.) If things had gone as planned, those games could already be scratched off as meaningless. Not now.

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Posted on September 1, 2014

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