Chicago -
By Carl Mohrbacher
There’s No “I” In Clock Management
But there is one in “Marion.”
Pretty Good
After another devastating loss, Bears LB Brian Urlacher was quoted as saying that Tim Tebow is “a good running back.”
In a way, that’s true. Here are some other things that are true.
* Hanukkah gifts are “a thoughtful gesture.”
* Your jing-hang is “a nice size.”
* Russia is “a democracy.”
* This guy is “the son of a raccoon and Willem Dafoe.”
Posted on December 15, 2011
By Dan O’Shea
We have less than two weeks to go before tip-off for the NBA season, and too many questions to answer before you need to draft your fantasy team – if you haven’t already.
Predictably, the 16-day preseason period has turned into a scramble of free-agent deals, trades and not-quite-trades.
In free-agent news, center (and former Bull) Tyson Chandler signed with the Knicks, which if anything will mean even more rebounds (he won’t have to fight Amar’e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony for them), but probably the end of his brief days averaging double-digit PPG.
Elsewhere, the more intriguing local news is that the Bulls may sign Richard Hamilton, SG/SF, who had seen his PPG fall sharply in the last year or so, but would the Chicago’s first real shooting guard since Ben Gordon.
Posted on December 14, 2011
By Jim Coffman
Sure, the Bears choked away an infuriatingly winnable game at Denver yesterday. And sure they – in particular Marion Barber of course – committed cardinal football sins that cannot be redeemed.
But the biggest problem was that they were facing a team on a streak. And the Broncos have made it clear that they – as Ron Shelton, the auteur of Bull Durham once wrote – respect the streak.
Crash Davis would have very much approved of the fact that the Broncos believe with all their hearts that their quarterback has something special working for him and they win because of it. Young pitcher Nuke LaLoosh believed he was winning in part due to chastity, in part due to breathing through his eyelids, and in part due to wearing garter belts under his uniform. Denver believes it is winning because it has a quarterback who owns the fourth quarter no matter how bad he plays during the first three. Their streak is now up to six games.
Posted on December 12, 2011
By Mike Luce
In October 2010, the New York Times published Michael Sokolove’s essay “Should You Watch Football?” At the time, queasy fans had just watched a weekend of vicious collisions in both the pro and college game. Philadelphia Eagle receiver DeSean Jackson was lucky to escape with a severe concussion on a brutal hit that was nonetheless ruled legal just a day after Rutgers defensive tackle Eric LeGrand suffered an injury on a routine play that left him paralyzed from the neck down. (He is now said to be “overcoming the odds” in recovery.)
In our College Football Report at the time, we voiced our anxiety as to our moral obligation, as football fans, “to stop watching, to stop buying merchandise and to demand that the officials . . . make changes to the game.” Our focus was the safety of the players and, in retrospect, appealed to the wrong higher authority.
Though our unease about the game has never been limited to the damage it inflicts on the field, it is now clear that what happens off the field poses far greater dangers to everyone involved in the college game. And seeing how the game is played within the confines of our campuses of higher education, it is mind-boggling that things have gotten this bad.
Posted on December 9, 2011
By Carl Mohrbacher
Royals Rout Sox 10-3
Tyler Palko went 1-for-9 with seven RBIs on a check swing and the Caleb Hanie struck out with men in scoring position five times.
Arrrgh, My Coin!
Busted MCLs cost so much these days they ought to be sent to federal prison for 14 years shaking down Tulane running backs and children’s hospitals.
The good news for Matt Forte is that his career will go on, albeit with a substantially lower income. The bad news for his team is that the season was declared dead at 3:37 p.m. CST last Sunday.
Posted on December 8, 2011
By Jim Coffman
So much bad ridiculousness, so little time that should be spent analyzing what can best be described as a brutal waste of three hours on a Sunday afternoon.
Then again, some detailed mockery must be made of the Bears’ 10-3 loss to the Chiefs. There is no denying Matt Forte’s injury was a huge setback but so many Bears had so many chances to make a play or two that would have made a huge difference in a close game, and they all failed.
Posted on December 5, 2011
By Carl Mohrbacher
Chad-Stache McHanie
Sure it makes him look like your buddy Kevin’s dad, but Sunday’s dud against Oakland made it imminently clear that Caleb Hanie needs to bring back the “rowdy” lip warmer.
Why, you ask?
* You don’t make a liar out of a shirt that says “Mustache Rides: One Dollar.”
* He can finally reunite his 80’s tribute band: Hanie & Oates.
* Hanie is a chronic dendrophobic and Illinois law permits mustached citizens to carry concealed axes at all times. Before the week is out, the Bears number two signal-caller is going to make Cook County officials change the name of “Lake Forest” to “Lake.”
Posted on December 1, 2011
