By Drew Adamek

I’ve had 42 jobs in six states in my life if you count my first newspaper route in 1986 and now making lists for the Beachwood, which is a job in the sense that it’s work but not so much regarding pay.
Some of the jobs have been fantastic: research director at a television production company; barista at a coffee cart at a community college; investigator at a civic watchdog group . . . the last ten years of work have been a lot of fun.
But I’ve also had some terrible, godawful, insanely unsafe jobs. Working wasn’t quite as much fun back in the 90s when I had no real experience, no high school diploma, and a willingness to do just about anything.
I’ve had jobs that left me scared for my life, angry at an unfair God and questioning whether humanity shouldn’t just die in a nuclear holocaust. And for $4.15 an hour at that.
Here, then, are the worst jobs I’ve ever had:

Read More

Posted on March 16, 2010

By J.J. Tindall

Carl Sandburg and Marilyn Monroe
New sculptures in light
have emerged from the archives.
Portraits of American gods, and gods they were
and perhaps remain.
People they were, too, first, visiting
in a New York apartment.

Read More

Posted on March 15, 2010

By Drew Adamek

* A Simpsons Episode I’ve Never Seen
* A Handjob On The Bus
* Celebrity Cameltoe
* That Check That Should’ve Bounced But Didn’t
* My Ex Gets Gonorrhea From The Guy She Left For
* The Hot Chick on The Treadmill In Front of Me Doesn’t Mind Me Staring

Read More

Posted on March 12, 2010

By Mike Luce

From: O’Hare (ORD) to Cincinnati (CVG)
From: Cincinnati (CVG) to O’Hare (ORD)
From: O’Hare (ORD) to Dallas (DFW)
Date and time: Monday, March 8 – 7:40 a.m., 6:42 p.m. and 8:37 p.m. (all times Central)
Gates: E2A, 4 and B19
Gate / Pilot Announcements: As a whole, blissfully infrequent and unremarkable, at least until the gate agent at B19 called, “Passenger Luce, please see me. Upgrade passenger Luce, please see me.” Ah, the First Class upgrade – sweet relief.

Read More

Posted on March 11, 2010

By Drew Adamek

I am overwhelmed by the response to my lists. My mother, in particular, has been very supportive and encouraging. It is a new sensation for me, hearing what the audience thinks of my work.
I’ve been working in television for the last seven years; I am not used to interacting with my audience. The most contact I’ve had with a television audience is the dry, analytical Nielsen ratings. It’s been encouraging to have such great interaction.
I’d like to share some of the feedback I’ve gotten from the wonderful Beachwood readers.
Here, then, is a list of reader comments I’ve gotten:

Read More

Posted on March 10, 2010

By Jerome Haller

After I took my post on a recent Tuesday night, the Head Guard walked over to me and made some small talk
A man shuffled toward us several minutes later. Judging by his soft features, he appeared to be in his early 20s. He stood about 5-foot-7 and wore a tan jacket and light blue jeans. His wide open eyes made me suspect he had just taken a drug.
He asked the Head Guard for change or a cell phone. The man claimed he needed to telephone a friend in order to get money for a prescription.
The Head Guard said no. The man left the store, but returned. He claimed his prescription was ready for pickup. The Head Guard let him go to the pharmacy.
I asked the Head Guard if the man really needed medicine. We walked to the pharmacy to check. The visitor sat in the waiting area. A tech told me the man had been begging there earlier that day.
We escorted him out the door. “I tried to be nice,” the Head Guard said shortly before leaving for home.
Of course, the beggar came back an hour later. I told him to leave. He refused.
I resisted the urge to shove his face through the door. Instead, I called the police.

Read More

Posted on March 9, 2010

By Mike Luce

From: Atlanta (ATL)
To: O’Hare (ORD)
Date and time: Wednesday, March 4 – 4:50 p.m. (Eastern)
Gate: A32
Gate/Pilot Announcements: I missed all the lead-up to this flight while downing two enormous glasses of white wine at “A-Bar” a few gates away. Our presentation wrapped up late, leaving me no choice but to pay Delta a $50 rebooking fee to take a later flight. And thus I had plenty of time to kill.

Read More

Posted on March 8, 2010

By Drew Adamek

I lived in D.C. for three years. Outside of friends I made at work and the free museums, there wasn’t much that I liked about the place. I became a recluse, not daring to go out into the crowded, expensive and jerky city except for groceries. The town was mostly devoid of character; traffic was a nightmare, socializing was a competitive blood sport and tourists jammed the place up.
I hated D.C,, and I hated who I was becoming in D.C. The stereotypes are true: the place is a cesspool of type-A, careerist, sharp-elbowed sycophants with over-developed senses of entitlement.
And that’s not all.
Here, then, here are 10 reasons why I’m glad I no longer live in D.C.:

Read More

Posted on March 5, 2010

By Drew Adamek

I’ve lived in Milwaukee twice in my life, first in the early ’90s and then in the late ’90s during community college. I have a special place in my heart for the town; it is a laid-back, hard-working, hard-partying town without any pretenses or hang-ups. The people are friendly, the town is accessible and the funky, beer fart stench smells like home.
Milwaukee knows what it is and likes it that way. It isn’t fancy, it isn’t redneck, it isn’t Chicago, and it isn’t Green Bay. It has a better airport than Chicago, you can get great food and beer, and it’s affordable. I miss living there, and would live there again in a heartbeat.
Milwaukee gets a bad rap.
Here, then, is my list of reasons why Milwaukee rules.

Read More

Posted on March 4, 2010

By Steve Rhodes

Sadly, the American Gothic statues that graced Pioneer Court next to Tribune Tower for lo these many months has been dismantled and sent on its way. It was one of the best things Chicago has had going for it in the way of public art since the cows – even if some art critics bristled (at both).
Both were tremendous, but the Gothic people – the work is officially called “God Bless America” – were fairly mesmerizing.
Yes, the “real thing” by Grant Wood is at the Art Institute, but the towering sculpture by J. Seward Johnson Jr. derives its power from the real thing – that’s why it connects with people. Isn’t that a tribute?
The Johnson piece also drew its power from its location in Chicago. Put it at the Indiana State Fair – one of its future stops – and it’s almost a gimmick. Put it in a crowded downtown surrounded by skyscrapers and it takes on a multi-layered resonance not easily duplicated.
I don’t know if there was any way the city could have made this a permanent exhibit, but if they didn’t try, they are fools.
Here’s to Johnson’s work – and Wood’s.
–
1. Their kind of town.

Read More

Posted on March 3, 2010