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What I Watched Last Night

I'm going to ruffle some feathers today and then I'll get to some fun stuff. Last night there
were two huge news stories - Fox "ALERTS" were being issued at a record pace. The first story was that Terrell Owens may or may not have committed suicide by way of overdosing on prescription medicine. The second story involved a gunman who took six Colorado high school students hostage, then killed one of the students and himself as police rushed the building. Now, there are only two more days to nurse these stories until the weekend until there will be something new to talk about, so I am going to beat all the news stations to the punch.

A Pat Bataillon "ALERT." Professional athletes are no longer allowed to take pills of any sort unless a doctor is present. It is too dangerous and complicated for athletes to take pills by themselves, so there should be immediate new rules issued to save the fragile lives of our athletes.

A Pat Bataillon "ALERT." All kids should bring guns to school for their own safety. The longer these kids go without guns the more deaths there will be. Every kid should have a gun to protect themselves from irresponsible adults and adolescents.

A Pat Bataillon "ALERT." Everything Bush did wrong is Clinton's fault. Whoa, is that a terrorist around the corner? I'm scared. Clinton really screwed the pooch on that one. He should have stopped 9/11. It was also Hoover's fault that Hitler was still around to take over Europe. Lincoln could have prevented WWI and Ben Franklin was directly responsible for Pearl Harbor. Will George W. Bush be held responsible when Finland invades Maine a hundred years from now?

Enough nonsense for one day.

What I watched last night was obviously a little too much news, but I did get a chance to catch Showgirls on VH1. Surprising that VH1 showed that movie the same day that Screech Powers made a porno flick available for download on the Net. See, Jessie Spano was in was in Showgirls right after she was in Saved by the Bell. So she did her little soft core prono flick and now it is Screech's turn.

I don't know much about this movie because I chose to not see Screech naked, but from what I hear, he is with two women and there is a Dirty Sanchez involved.

For those of you who don't know what a Dirty Sanchez is, don't look it up. It is not material suitable for children.

Man what a day on the television, a lot of news; a lot to be scared about. Kids with guns and terrorists coming to get us around every corner and professional athletes trying to kill themselves because they are so scared. I am most frightened of; you guessed it, a Dirty Sanchez and Screech crossing paths.



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Posted on September 28, 2006


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