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What I Watched Last Night

When O.J. Simpson was acquitted of butchering his ex-wife and her friend back in 1995, I thought I had seen the last of O.J.'s golf buddy and legal "Dream Team" member Robert Kardashian. But no. Thirteen years later, the Kardashian name is bigger than ever - even though daddy Kardashian died in 2003. For the Kardashian name is now part of reality TV renown.

That's right - Keeping Up With The Kardashians are those Kardashians, spawned from that guy.

Robert Kardashian, then, will not only be remembered for being part of one of the most notorious criminal defense teams ever, but for his three TV reality daughters: Kim, Kourtney and Khloe (all are spelled correctly).

Robert also left us with one son, Robert Jr., whose mother, Kris, is now married to 1976 Olympic Decathlon gold medalist and star of that cinematic tour de force Can't Stop the Music Bruce Jenner. They have two kute girls, Kylie and Kendal and they live in a well-appointed house in Calabasas.

Sounds like a typical F-list Hollywood celeb story, right? If they had decided to go quietly into that good night, there might have been an occasional Kardashian sighting around town - only recognizable with Bruce in attendance. However, all of that changed when oldest daughter, Kim, caught the public's eye with her first oops - a sex tape made with rapper Ray J (aka the brother of singer Brandy, remember her?). Kardashian sued, but settled for a cool $5 million. Now that Kim has paved the way with her videotaped exploits, the other Kardashians have now witnessed that even the sleaziest of exposure can work wonders for careers.

When their show premiered in October 2007, I didn't give it much attention except a slight eye-roll or when I saw that other F-list celebs were making an appearance on the show as an attempt to elevate their careers. At one point, Brittny Gastineau was Kim's BFF for one episode. Then, there was the episode with the mannish Robin Antin, who is responsible for unleashing the Pussycat Dolls on society. I guess some crimes do go unpunished.

These guest appearances beg the question: who are the executives at E! approving these reality shows? Who, out in LA LA land, has the uncanny ability to get shows such as these approved? Only one man can - Ryan Seacrest - with a little help from Bunim/Murray, the same company responsible for MTV's The Real World. Seacrest is a reality show genius - he understands that the average TV viewer has the mentality of a 12-year old and produces shows accordingly. But even a media genius like Seacrest has reached a new low with this one.

So far this season, we've seen Kris set up a chicken coop with live chickens because celeb trainer Kathy Kaehler told Kris her family needs to eat organic eggs. This action prompted Bruce to wisely state that he "won the Olympics eating old eggs." We see the family caravan on over to the local feed store where they proceeded to pick out the more fashionable chickens festooned with red and black feathers. The eggs, well, weren't so cute or tasty for that matter - "dirty" is how one of the gals described the taste. When the chickens ended up in the master bathtub then pooping on the hardwood floor that was the last we saw of them. Thus ended the organic egg experiment.

Robert Jr. has fallen in love with Disney pop star Adrienne Bailon, and no, I've never heard of her either. After withholding the vital stats of his love life from his nosy sisters, Adrienne's cover is blown when Kim uses her keen cell phone snooping skills to track her down. Then, the sisters invite Adrienne out for a coffee klatsch of sorts to find out if she'll end up hurting Junior in some way - a meeting that was scheduled without Junior's knowledge. Upon discovering that Adrienne is the real deal, they tell Junior of their meeting and subsequent approval of the Cheetah Girl. Overjoyed with the sibling approval, Junior declares to his family that Adrienne "looks better naked."

Kim was asked to join some old-broad hip-hop dance/cheerleading troop so she and Bruce brainstorm about whom could best help Kris with her quest. They decide upon the ex-Mr. J. Lo who proceeds to teach Kris some bitchin' new steps and look blase as Kris injures her knee. Kris ends up having surgery to repair the damage. Also, during this particular episode, the older Kardashian sisters teach the preteens all about the glory that is puberty. There is something inherently creepy about being taught about which type of feminine protection to use by an older sister whose resume is highlighted by a Playboy pictorial, a sex tape and an insured booty.

Oh wait. There's more.

Kendall, wanting a pair of $50 see-thru shoes she saw at the mall, asks her mom for the money. Mom passes the buck to Bruce who wants to teach the value of money by having Kendall do chores around the home for the dough. Future enterpriser, Kendall (who bears a spooky resemblance to Ali McGraw circa her Love Story days) turns around and hires the local immigrant dog walker to do all her chores. Dad figures it out and then we see Kendall picking up dog poop in the yard for 25 cents per piece of poop.

The sisters own two clothing stores - Dash and Smooch - which sell the type of clothing these women wear. All of the gals chip in, but what's interesting is there are never any shoppers in the store whenever the cameras are on.

The gals spend most of their time lounging on the faux animal-striped furniture, sipping Starbuck's and playing with their hair-extensions. They even set up an online profile for Khloe on a dating website and set up speed dates for her while Kim and Kourtney observe the dates from afar with binocs and mini-walkie talkies.

There is definitely a strong sense of sistership here because they're all fiercely protective of each other and I actually kind of admire these girls because of these characteristics. But, why do they need a TV show?


See what else the Beachwood staff watched last night.


Posted on April 14, 2008

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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