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What I Watched Last Night

"Aren't you a little fat to be a storm trooper?"
"Well stay here and rot you stuck up bitch!"

Upset that I still can't do this pose in yoga, it became quite obvious that I needed a few big-time laughs. Especially after this pose caused a classmate to pass gas a little bit too close to yours truly. The season premiere of Family Guy helped put my yoga inabilities out of my mind for a bit. In its sixth season opener, Seth McFarlane and company outdid themselves once again by mocking episode IV of the Star Wars series. This episode was so chock-full of both obvious and obscure cultural references that I've decided to only touch on a few highlights.

The infamous opening crawl through space refers to Angelina Jolie kissing her brother and reminds Ms. Jolie that everyone saw it, including her dad, and that's why they don't talk anymore. "You can run away to Africa but you can't run away from your problems." Also, the viewers are strongly advised to rent the HBO film Gia, since Jolie is naked in it.

Quagmire and Cleveland Brown portray C3PO and R2-D2, respectively. R2 sports a doo-rag over his Afro and digs Tattoine, Wind and Fire. C3PO wants to know whom R2 would rather do: Jabba the Hut right after a shower or a service droid to which R2 sadly states that his father was a service droid.

Stewie Griffin is perfect as Darth Vader and Lois Griffin's Princess Leia almost made me forget Carrie Fisher's cocaine-fueled performance in the original. The nose candy probably is one of the reasons why Ms. Fisher's poorly constructed English accent kept fading. Fortunately, Lois' Leia didn't have that problem.

Chris Griffin portrays Luke Skywalker while Obi Wan Kenobi is played by Herbert, better known as the pervy, child molester who has a thing for Chris. Being a general hasn't curbed his appetite for young boys or for saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times. When Han Solo, played by Peter Griffin, tells everyone to strap in because of an impending battle with Tie-Fighters, Obi Wan asks, "Did he say strap in or strap on?"

"Stop whining Luke and come have some blue milk."

Rush Limbaugh is one of the many living and dead celebs who make an appearance in this episode. It's not much of a stretch for Limbaugh since he's heard raving about the liberal galactic media on Tatooine's All Talk Radio while Obi Wan and Luke are in the land speeder. Red Buttons, Redd Foxx, Big Red Chewing Gum, Simply Red and the nuclear submarine Red October are all standing by for the final fight with the Death Star.

Even has-been celebs like Helen Reddy and Chevy Chase are resurrected for animated punch lines. Having personally worked with Mr. Chase before, I'm sure that McFarlane was relieved when he left the recording stage and is probably starting to wean himself off of the anti-anxiety pills - with the help of board-certified physicians.

*

Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial

Marty Funkhouser, played by Super Dave Osborne, better known as Bob Einstein better known as Albert Brooks' brother, is mourning the recent death of his mother. She was hit by a car while riding in her wheelchair. However, Larry David is more concerned with the $50 that Funkhouser owes him and the fact that Funkhouser hasn't acknowledged Larry's voice-mail condolence message.

Also, Larry is supposed to be a character witness of sorts for Sammy, who is trying to get into the Dryden School, a high falutin' L.A. private school. Sammy is the daughter of Susie and Jeff. Larry feels that the two young Katrina survivors holed up in his home are just as worthy of admissions to Dryden as Sammy.

In the meantime, Larry tells Jeff that he's going to get ice cream for his long-suffering wife Cheryl because when he wants sex, he does nice things for her and once he gets what he wants, not surprising, he goes right back to his old ways.

It'll be interesting to see if TV life mimics real life. I wonder if TV wife Cheryl will leave Larry the way real-world wife, Laurie left him.

Yep, it's going just where you think it's going.

While waiting in line to get ice cream, he's behind this woman who is sampling every single flavor. Of course, this irks Larry and he makes a big scene. Of course, the woman turns out to be the Dean of Admissions at the Dryden School - a fact that Cheryl lets Larry in on when he gets home, with just enough ice cream for her, not anyone else. Now, Keisha's and Darryl's Dryden School applications are in jeopardy.

Now you know where George Costanza came from.

Who else would tell a man who has just lost his mother and last year lost his father, that he's too old to be an orphan? Or, who would get upset about not getting a return call on his original condolence call? This is what makes this show so great: Larry David does an excellent job actually saying what others are only thinking. Of course, some of the people he deals with are just as awful and obnoxious as he is. Remember the newlywed couple who wouldn't accept a present from the Davids since it was given to them a year after their wedding? Who does that? No one I know. Who would reprimand someone who is trying to give you a gift? A gift is a gift, after all.

Also, the sweaty $50 bill from Funkhouser's jogging shoe that he gives to Larry is also deemed troublesome when he can't pass it off on anyone else. This action makes Larry a three-time Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial flower thief. Only Larry would think to steal from a roadside memorial and, only Larry would get caught by the orphan of the memorial honoree, who also happens to possess a heightened sense of smell.

When Cheryl and Loretta chastise him vehemently, Larry then wonders what it'll take to get Cheryl back upstairs for some noogie. She mentions a perfume she loves that can only be purchased at a store on Wilshire Boulevard. There, he's met with a long line and more sampling that irritates him to the point where he loses the last bottle to someone else. Later at the Funkhousers, Larry spies the coveted perfume on the shrine to Ida and steals it for Cheryl.

The rest you have to see to believe.

*

See the What I Watched Last Night collection. Contributors welcome.



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Posted on September 25, 2007


MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
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BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


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