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What I Watched Last Night

I thought I was prepared for Sunday's episode of Bridezillas with last week's bride, Stephani, until she blurted out, "I win with a two-carat diamond solitaire. I win in life because that's just me. I win. I'm a princess. Daddy pays for everything . . . I tell my husband what to do . . . "

I didn't know what to do except make myself a nice and refreshing Cruzan rum and tonic because I know that getting a little crocked would prevent me from throwing my TV out the window.

I try to look for the good in people but Stephani has no redeeming qualities and this episode just amplifies that fact. We see Stephani show up 20 minutes late to a hair appointment and then chastise the hair stylist for not bending to her will and by getting water (oops!) on her already made-up face. If Stephani was a better princess, she'd know that it's best to get your hair done first, then the make-up.

After the hair fiasco, there's the daily admonishment of her mother over the phone with the requisite foul language and lack of respect, while waving her tacky French manicured (don't folks realize this is just a bad look?) hands in the air.

However, Stephani's mom isn't the only family member on the receiving end of one her darling daughter's tirades. When Stephani gets wind that her aunt is giving her a blue garter belt ("something new and blue"), Stephani demands that she take it back since she already has one and get her something new, like a diamond bracelet or some diamond earrings. After a beat or two, Stephani says, " . . . you're going to kick my ass?"

One of Stephani's cousins is also a bridesmaid who has the cajones to stand up for herself against Stephani's bad behavior. When cousin April calmly states that "no one talks to me that way," which prompts Stephani to retort, "I'll talk to you anyway I want," April maintains her composure and walks off with Stephani yelping about kicking her ass in her wake. Kicking ass must be a big-time fun thing to do in Texas.

Quelle charmante.

One of the last scenes of this exhausting episode is the spat Stephani had with her DJ. He wants her to meet him at 11 p.m., which Stephani absolutely refuses to do, and threatens to get her parents' money back. After that call, she left a voicemail about him coming to their house at 7 a.m. on a Sunday with the belief that he won't show up. He did, but Stephani didn't make her grand appearance for 90 minutes "just to piss him off."

"It's probably a good thing I can't carry a gun while I'm driving," she observes while barreling down a Texas highway. It sure is a good thing since she'd probably be on Death Row right now following in Karla Faye Tucker's footsteps.

After cringing my way through these episodes, I have to wonder if any of the women featured on this show ever watch their episodes and are horrified by their behavior. I feel sorry for Stephani's daughter and truly hope that she decides to never reproduce again. I don't think the world could handle any more of her in the gene pool.

*

Check out the What I Watched Last Night collection. Submissions welcome.



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Posted on August 20, 2007


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