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What I Watched Last Night

The biggest case of identity theft in TV history continued last night with The Riches in an episode that put on display the difficulties women in dresses and high heels face when it's necessary for them to ride a bike to a prescription-friendly doctor and scale a fence to steal her own Winnebago, and what can happen when a junkie gets put in charge of a buried treasure map.

The Travelling Molloy family started settling into the gated community home of rich couple Doug Rich and his wife, carefully going though their datebooks, laptop, mail and whatnot to construct to the best of their ability who the real Riches were. The Riches probably could have been more helpful had they not been briefly introduced to the Molloys and their Winnebago along a two-lane road in last week's episode and ended up at the bottom of a roadside swamp in their wrecked BMW.

The family estimates household expenses at $7,500 a month, which is a tough nut to crack even for the most accomplished Traveller con-folk. The real Doug Rich was a securities attorney, so Wayne needs to convince someone he's a securities attorney without actually knowing anything about securities lawyering. He manages to impress the hiring committee for a powerful highbrow legal firm
into hiring him by telling them "I'm lucky. I work like an idiot."

Meanwhile, junkie mom Dahlia - who's now out of happy pills and running low on methadone - takes the $40,000 family fortune Wayne lifted last week from her Uncle Earl's safe and buries it, using the corner of the family Winnebago parked out back as her starting point reference. Problem is, the Winnebago is parked a few inches across the lot line of the neighbor woman who happens to be the one-armed president of the Eden Falls Homeowners Association. So she has the land boat towed, and now nobody knows exactly where the 40 grand lies.

Now in need of immediate disposable cash since it'll be weeks before his first fake-lawyer paycheck, Wayne makes a neighborly midnight visit and manages to convince local corporate sleazeball/fellow golfer/serious firearms devotee Hugh Panetta that he's up to the task as his in-house counsel by playing Russian Roulette and Shoot The Sleazeball with what turns out to be - in a great sleight of hand - an unloaded gun.

"A good lawyer makes you believe the truth. A great lawyer makes you believe the lie," says Wayne in between dry firings. "You're a sick mother, Doug. And I like that in a liar," remarks Hugh, just before scaring the shit back into himself and giving Wayne a $200,000 salary as scumbag in-house counselor.

Christ, rich people have the coolest job interviews.

We got a glimpse last night into how firearms-friendly this little corner of Louisiana is, too. You've got to say something about a place where the security guards patrol the Eden Falls subdivision armed with assault weapons, and a guy like Hugh Panetta gets to take target practice in his backyard with high-powered handguns without the twitchy security force freaking out over all the gunfire. I'm not sure exactly what you might say about it, but still.

Besides wondering how long it'll be before the whole house of cards collapses, I spent most of the time wondering about the Molloy family's pre-teen and far too angelic-looking son Sam, who is always dressed in clothing and a hairstyle built for a very young girl. I'm not sure who's more confused about this sort of thing - me or the kid sitting in his mother's lap wearing a girl scout uniform.

Yup, Monday nights with the Irish. Weirder than you thought it could be, even without any booze.

*

Browse the What I Watched Last Night collection.



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Posted on March 20, 2007


MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


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