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The Weirdness of Walter Jacobson

As told through his Perspectives.

*

TV Pundits Are Polarizing Us
January 12, 2011

"Rarely do we hear the talking heads talking truth, which is that they're the ones who are polarizing America and stirring people up.

"So until they know and can explain to us what stirred up the killer in Tucson, the talking heads ought to shut up - me included."

*

Mayor's Brother Won't Deliver The Goods Here
January 6, 2011

"He did not favor Chicago when Rahm Emanuel was chief of staff, and he won't while Bill Daley is chief of staff."

Nor when he hired Arne Duncan, Desiree Rogers, David Axelrod or Valerie Jarrett.


*

Bring Back Shirtless President Obama
January 4, 2011

"While on vacation, his abs and his biceps were not shown even once on TV, because his orders to reporters were no pics of the pres without a shirt.

"So all we have of the president, who may be the hunkiest pres in history, is a picture on a beach two years ago.

"A healthy hunk. A message to Americans to shape up. The right message from the right man to send it.

"But he was chided for making a splash in the media, so his orders were firm: never a picture of his bod again . . .

"No way was Mao buffed like Barack. No way most people are buffed like Barack.

"So, please, Mr. President, don't be afraid.

"If you're feeling as good as you looked in a swimsuit two years ago, we'd like to see you in a swimsuit.

"You feeling good makes us feel good."

*

What Walter Wants In The New Year
December 30, 2010

"And I hope, do hope, that Bill Clinton and Barack Obama stay out of our mayoral campaign because they don't know enough about governing Chicago to stick their noses into it."

Well, maybe that Obama fellow . . .

"I wish they learn enough and then come in and tell us not how to vote, but how to improve our schools and respect our cops and save the lives of our firefighters . . . "

They should study up and then tell us how to do everything but vote?

*

Can General Assembly Balance Budget?
December 28, 2010

"If they want to, the lame duckers can dig us out of debt and support public education, and provide jobs and health care and clean air. And guide us through an economic recovery."

All in one little lame-duck session?

*

Miley Could Use Better Guardians
December 16, 2010

"Put the adults in her life in prison before it's too late for their Miley, our Miley."

*

Political Spy Game
December 7, 2010

"It's different from the good ole' days when campaigning was up front, and more honest and open, bare-knuckle, more rough-and-tumble.

"Can't speak for anyone else, but for me, the spy stuff is too sneaky."

The good old days were both more rough-and-tumble and more honest and open? Was that before videocameras and opposition research were invented?

*

Shut The Door On Trick-Or-Treating
October 28, 2010

"It started out okay as an Irish festival celebrating the end of summer. But it's become a nasty game called Trick or Treat: Gimme a treat, or I'll soap your windows or wrap your bushes in toilet paper, or let the air out of your tires."

Wow, your Lincoln Park neighborhood is tougher than I thought!

"Knock on someone's door and say, 'Gimme what I want or I'll give you what you don't want.' That's Halloween: Teach our children the ways of bribery, or how to be an extortionist."

I think they can learn that just by watching your newscast.

"Why do we do that? Encourage children to knock on a door and demand some candy or buzz the bell to get a taffy apple - assuming it's safe to eat - not knowing that some predator may open the door."

Or Chris Hansen from Dateline.

"And what about the junk in candy-taffy, the sugar and fat that's harmful to children?"

What up with the taffy, dude?

"Enough of it to eat for a week and cause bad feelings at home when mom or dad takes it away."

After a week. Bad feelings.

"Or buzz-buzz-buzz that bell to say 'Boo!' and scare a little old lady half to death. What's the idea: that a lady's fear is a child's fun?"

Little old ladies don't have calendars?

"Excuse me, please, but I don't think Halloween is fun, or ought to be fun or that mom or dad ought to be calling it fun."

Forgive Walter, he ate too much taffy and he's crashing.

*

Weis Meeting With Gangbangers
(Video uploaded September 3, 2010)

"During the late 60s . . . the good old days . . . [the Chicago police] went to the mother of a member of a gang and told her the next time there was a shooting in West Chatham, her son would be shot in the head by police and dropped on her front porch. For a dozen years thereafter, the bangers stayed away from Chatham. The truly good old days."

*

Too Much On The Giannoulias Family Bank, Not Nearly Enough On The Issues
(Video uploaded April 16, 2010)

"Bank, bank, bank . . . And in the Chicago Sun-Times and especially the Tribune, that's the news. Except it's not news. Most of what's in the papers about Giannoulias's campaign for the U.S. Senate is of felons who borrowed some money from the bank five years ago. Which has been in the papers before. And before that. And before that.

"Alexi Giannoulias is the Illinois state treasurer. He's into his fourth year, with a pretty good record, now seeking higher office, and and being smashed in a Sun-Times-Tribune circulation war. Either that or the papers want Mark Kirk in the senate and are mixing their editorial positions with the news. That's a bad thing to do."

-

Comments welcome.



Permalink

Posted on January 17, 2011


MUSIC - School Of Rock Realizes How White It Is.
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BOOKS - Maps For Migrants And Ghosts.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Doing Philosophy At UIC.


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