Sonic Blade

They took a perfectly good potential comic-book title for this?

What It Is: A cordless electric knife that uses sound waves to separate food.

Description: It vibrates. The motor is inside a handle that looks rather unwieldy, but. It also comes with a handy, fork-like tool that holds the food in place and cubes it, but also looks like it belongs in a hairdresser's drawer.

Quotes: "All the goodness stays inside!" "Say goodbye to the squishing and squashing!"

Price: $133.32

Shills: Some dude who appears to be a chef (John Paul), but also could be just any scrawny young Brit with a Liverpool accent; in fact, when you first hear his voice and witness his aggressive culinary virtuosity, you may be reminded of Hubby from the Magic Bullet informercial. Plus a passel of captive eaters and a middle-aged female (Rebecca). And a voice-over man who swells with pride.

Set and Costumes: A slightly artificial-looking, but realistic enough, reproduction of a spacious kitchen in a new suburban house. The dress is pretty casual - again, highly reminiscent of the Magic Bullet spot.

Gimmick: Interjections! Voice-over dude can't get enough of 'em! "Yuck!" "Wow!" "Just look at that slice!"

Secondary Gimmick: Assloads of alliteration: "60-second salads, salsa, stir-fry . . . "

Apocalyptic Omens: "We need to put Sonic Blades in as many hands as possible!" "If you've got some cutting to do, you need power!"

Usefulness-emphasizing gimmick: You can cut open a piece of chicken and turn it into a stuffed piece of chicken, thanks to the Sonic Blade. It can cut a slice of white bread in half; quick cut to a captive diner saying: "Wow!" And you can remove the crust from a whole loaf of bread in five seconds.

Jargon: "Non-compression sonic separation."

Evaluation: The chef's mix of condescension and bounciness tends to grate at 1 a.m. Will it be just as quick and clean with a despairing viewer's wrist?

Rating: 1.5

- Scott Gordon