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Chicago - Mar. 19, 2022
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Replacing Alpana Singh

"Alpana Singh, the longtime face of WTTW's restaurant review show Check, Please! announced Wednesday she'll be stepping down as host after 10 seasons," the Tribune reports.

The Beachwood has obtained WTTW's short-list for replacement candidates, including internal concerns about how each of those candidates would alter the dynamics of the show.

Chief Keef: Everyone would be too scared to go to the restaurants he would recommend. In fact, everyone would be too scared to watch.

Lovie Smith: Needs a new gig, but would only answer questions about his meal defensively, i.e., "Why do you want to know if I liked the soup? What's it to you?"

George Ryan: Needs a gig fresh out of prison, but would only allow guests to choose restaurants that hold fundraisers for him.

Billy Corgan: Would make everyone go to his frickin' tea shop.

Ozzie Guillen: Needs new gig, but would soon be unwelcome in Boystown, Andersonville, and the restaurants of every ethnicity he has offended.

Pat Quinn: Will need new gig soon, but fear he's the type who would keep sending his soup back.

Richard M. Daley: Doesn't need a new gig, but does need image repair. Would try too hard to show how thrifty he could be by stealing sugar packets. Too late, Mr. Mayor.

Sandi Jackson: Restaurants reviewed really need to be in Chicago, not Washington.

Siskel and Ebert: If only it was possible.

Walter Jacobson: Too many rants about how customer service isn't what it used to be.

David Axelrod: You could never tell if he was being sincere.

Michelle Obama: Too scoldy.

Joe Walsh: Would frequently skip out on the bill.

Theo Epstein: Would use too many algorithms to determine if a meal was a good value.

Hawk Harrelson: Would order a hot dog every time - and it would never be as good as the hot dogs Yaz used to order.

Steve Stone: Ability to predict every diner's order, and their reaction to it, would make things too anticlimactic.

Todd Stroger: Would hire waiters for top-level jobs he no longer controls just for old times' sake.


Comments welcome.


Posted on January 28, 2013

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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