|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
![]()
|
![]() |
Oprah's Other Secrets"Oprah Winfrey has discovered she has a half-sister - a Milwaukee woman who was given up for adoption by Winfrey's mother nearly 50 years ago, when the talk show host was eight years old," AP reports. - The Beachwood has learned, however, that this isn't the only "secret" Oprah will reveal this year. The others: * Oprah is a man. * Oprah's real name is Harpo. * Oprah has also discovered 1,429,865 other siblings she didn't know she had - and they all want to be compensated in the manner due to them. * Oprah is not a lesbian. She's bi. * Stedman Graham is an alien sent here to befriend Earth's most powerful person. * Oprah once had an affair with Rahm Emanuel but she got creeped out by his dirty talk in the bedroom. * Oprah is broke, having invested all her money with Bernie Madoff and Carol Moseley-Braun. * Oprah attends meetings of the Federal Reserve's Open Market Committee because she controls so much of the world's money supply. * Oprah rooted for the Packers. * Oprah's childhood nickname was Snooki. * Oprah is an angel sent here by God. Oh wait, she's already told us that. - - 1. From Beachwood Mark: * Used to demand that the waiters at the Parthenon shout Oprah! when they lit her saganaki. * Also has four brothers named Groucho, Gummo, Zeppo and Chico. * In order to embarrass one of her talk show rivals at the time, secretly broke into Al Capone's vault and took out all the good stuff before Geraldo showed up. * Believed for a time that the W flag at Wrigley was flown in honor of her; after learning the truth upon asking the club to change it to the more commonly recognized O, was furious and pledged her lifelong baseball allegiance to that other team. * Three people died in an Oprah's Favorite Things-related scrum and knife fight in the line outside of Harpo Studios; trip to Australia was added at the last minute to avoid messy inquiry and PR nightmare. Posted on January 25, 2011 |
![]() |
![]()
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
![]() © 2006 - 2022, The Beachwood Media Company |