His Girl Friday to Friday the 13th: The Declining Quality Of The AMC Channel

Since it really began to thrive as a basic-cable channel in 1988, the American Movie Classics channel has become more American Movie than Classics. AMC recently managed to outpace even my affection for amusing trash with Tremors 3: Back to Perfection, in which the mutant earthworms of Tremors and Tremors II: Aftershocks evolve into flying death machines that propel themselves by shooting flames from their asses.

I suppose that flames shooting from mutant asses make it a classic in a certain sense, and one certainly can't portray American movie culture without a nod to cheesy horror movies. (I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed the straight-to-video horror-comic shitfest Santa's Slay, starring former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg.)

But Tremors 3?

A Beachwood statistical analysis confirms our suspicions. I randomly sampled 10 movies on AMC's weeknight prime-time schedule from 1988 and 2006 and found that the average IMDB user scores for each season fell by 1.26 points. In addition, a look at four interim years reveals that the decline has been steady and consistent.

To wit:

1988
The Big Steal (1949)
All About Eve (1950)
Call of the Wild (1935)
Daisy Kenyon (1947)
His Girl Friday (1940)
Roadblock (1951)
The Snake Pit (1948)
Everybody Does It (1949)
The Last Wagon (1956)
Mr. Belvedere Rings the Bell (1956)
Average: 7.21

1992
My Little Chickadee (1940)
Life Begins at Eight-Thirty (1942)
We're Not Married (1952)
The Set-Up (1949)
There Goes My Girl (1937)
The Glen Miller Story (1953)
State of the Union (1948)
I Walk Alone (1948)
Horse Feathers (1932)
Royal Wedding (1951)
Average: 7.1

1995
Smoke Signal (1955)
The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
Never Steal Anything Small (1959)
Three Days of the Condor (1975)
Murder, Inc. (1960)
Desiree (1954)
Imitation of Life (1959)
City Beneath the Sea (1953)
There's No Business Like Show Business (1954)
My Cousin Rachel (1952)
Average: 6.6

2000
Seven Days' Leave (1942)
The Saint in London (1939)
Daisy Miller (1974)
The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)
Joe Palooka (1934)
The Candidate (1972)
Hombre (1967)
Son of Paleface (1952)
The Return of Frank James (1940)
Purlie Victorious aka Gone Are the Days (1963)
Average: 6.48

2003
Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970)
Pretty in Pink (1986)
The Bounty (1984)
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1993)
The Eiger Sanction (1975)
Moon Over Parador (1988)
The Long Hot Summer (1958)
King Creole (1958)
Earthquake (1974)
The Hindenburg (1975)
Average: 6.38

2006
Never Say Never Again (1983)
Working Girl (1988)
The Dead Pool (1988)
Colors (1988)
First Blood (1982)
The River Wild (1994)
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
White Men Can't Jump (1992)
The Great Outdoors (1988)
Chain Reaction (1996)
Average: 5.95

Conclusion: While future study is needed, and many variables were not controlled for, such as the presence of Hustle, AMC's completely un-engaging crime drama, the trend is nonetheless clear: AMC is exponentially less about classics as it is about movies that are "not brand new." Which isn't entirely bad; NBNC (The Not Brand New Channel) has a certain ring to it. Then again, isn't that what TNT is for?

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