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Beachwood Sports VideoPlease Stop Believing 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired
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Each Cub, in his own way, turned out to be indispensable.
* Geo Soto's connections too important to Mike Quade's well-being to trade away.
* Koyie Hill bonded with Rahm over loss of finger; could come in handy.
* Tony Pena the left-handed .227 hitter Hendry always wanted.
* Darwin Barney Bobblehead Day already on next year's schedule.
* Starlin Castro's Uncle Raul nixed deal to send his talents to South Beach.
* Aramis Ramirez is already committed to his kids' carpool in September.
* Alfonso Soriano dropped pen to waive no-trade clause, bumped head on table after retrieving it, deal withdrawn.
* Marlon Byrd Bobblehead Day with jaw-protecting helmets already on next year's schedule.
* Tyler Colvin deserves chance to hit .240 in the bigs.
* Reed Johnson: Nickname "Big Swinging" too funny to give up.
* Jeff Baker: Indispensable utility man is the first building block for 2012.
* Tony Campana: As a 14-year-old, not eligible for trading yet.
* Blake DeWitt: Someone has to mentor infielder DJ LaMahieu in how to play the outfield out of position next spring.
* Carlos Zambrano: Package deal with Ramirez to White Sox fell apart when Hendry learned Scott Podsednik was no longer on the South Side and therefore unavailable.
* Ryan Dempster: Bookings for his Harry Caray impersonation too important a revenue stream to Cubs.
* Matt Garza: Refused to go because he thinks team is still in it.
* David Wells: Hendry working on time machine to retrieve him from rookie year.
* Rodrigo Lopez: Visalia unwilling to throw a hundred hot dogs into deal for a dozen baseball bats.
* Carlos Marmol: Hendry hung up phone on Yankees when they refused to take him straight up for Rivera.
* Sean Marshall: A set-up man is the building block for you whole team. Setting up losses is one of the most important jobs in baseball.
* James Russell: As the team's pitching scapegoat, Hendry was worried that trading him would put a curse on the team.
* Kerry Wood: Team still has 100,000 We've Got Wood t-shirts in stock.
* Jeff Samardzija: Under a deal Hendry made with Notre Dame, the school controls one roster spot for an alum for the next 75 years.
* Ramon Ortiz: Has photos of Jim Hendry pleasuring himself with stacks of no-trade clauses.
* John Grabow: Nickname of John Grabass too funny to give up.
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