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Why Tanaka Rejected The Cubs And White Sox

Japanese pitching phenom Masahiro Tanaka rejected Chicago twice in signing with the Yankees this week instead of one of our local teams.

While conventional wisdom has Tanaka choosing New York for the money, the big stage, and the chance to win at least one if not many World Series championships, the Beachwood has learned that a variety of other factors turned him away from Chicago.

* Cubs offered $175 million over seven years to be paid out in Ventra cards.

* White Sox refused to build Tanaka a cooler stadium in a better location.

* Clark the Cub.

* Unelected school board.

* Couldn't come to terms with Cubs rooftop owners.

* White Sox have no rooftops.

* Len Kasper tries too hard to pimp pseudo-indie bands on broadcasts.

* Hawk Harrelson even worse than Clark the Cub.

* Cubs wouldn't give up Cody Ransom's number 1, also worn by Kosuke Fukudome.

* White Sox wouldn't give up Tyler Green's number 1, also worn by Kosuke Fukudome.

* Would have been required to be Tom Ricketts' friend.

* Would have been required to be Hawk Harrelson's friend.

* Saw right through Theo's plan.

* Would have been required to spend one day a week in the White Sox call center hawking season tickets.

* New York is way better than Chicago, as is Los Angeles.

* Not room for him and Jay Cutler in same town for next seven years.

* Found out Oprah isn't here anymore.

* Had bad experience with grid garbage pick-up as a child.

* Yankees' check didn't bounce.

* Didn't want to live in a TIF district.

* Found out Mark DeRosa isn't on the Cubs anymore.

* Still mad about the White Flag trade.

* Was determined to play wherever Joe Girardi managed.

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Comments welcome.

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