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Throat Punchers

Who'd a thunk that we would all be bored with the regular season even before the Cubs clinched the division?

It sure seems like the days off for guys and the sorta more wacky lineups than normal have come even before the games become truly meaningless.

Sure, they still seem to be trying to win of course, but geez, what is there left to talk about?

I guess you could ask Big Poppa Joe if the Cubs would be any good at football.

I mean, you could ask that question, but you would probably deserve a punch in the throat for doing it.

Theoretically you could even ask them which Cub would be better at being able to shake off a punch to the throat.

My guess would be Miggy Montero, as he doesn't really have much of a neck.

And then you could ask, who would be the best at delivering a punch to the throat.

My guess would be John Lackey.

Yep, that's where the season is now. Just a whole bunch of ridiculous questions to ask. And the answers to those questions are as meaningless as the questions.

So maybe there should be questions about who is the best chef? Who can really dance? How many Pokemon has Addison Russell caught? Or who can burp the loudest, because there is no real talk of X's and O's from here on out. No wondering if a starter will give you enough innings anymore. No worrying about taxing the bullpen. No caring even if you do silly stuff like pick the lineup out of the bullpen catcher's helmet. OK, they didn't do the last one, but would you believe it if they did? I wouldn't put it past them right now.

I mean, even the big questions about playoff rosters and lineups are close to meaningless. Everything they do works. These guys have done the math and know the guys now. And I just believe they'll make the right decisions based on all the criteria available. So why even ask?


Week in Review: The Cubs went 3-3 for the week, losing two of three to the Brewers and winning two of three from the Astros. But more importantly, no one got hurt and we are all a week closer to the playoffs.

Week in Preview: The boys in blue travel to St. Louis for three with the Cards. They come in with a magic number of 5, so with a sweep of the Cards they can clinch the division by Wednesday. Otherwise they may have to wait until the four-game set at Wrigley against Milwaukee. At least it won't be at Miller Park, Brewers fans.

Musical Outfielders: And no we aren't talking about Matt Szczur playing the French horn. Jorge Soler got three starts in left, with Kris Bryant, Chris Coghlan and Ben Zobrist each getting one start out there as well. Even Albert Almora got back into the mix with a start in right field this week. I am starting to hope that there is a week this season where they don't start the same guy in left more than once. It could easily happen, as you had four this week and you could throw Szczur and Willson Contreras in there - maybe even Travis Wood, I mean, why not?

Former Annoying Cub of the Week: It's got to be this guy. Climbing all over his dad like that, probably interrupting a pretty sweet cat nap. Because it's hard to remember annoying Cubs right now. The glow of a great season will do that - I guess, because I don't remember ever being less annoyed with a team.

Current Potential Annoying Cub of the Week: I can't say anyone is bugging me this week, so I'll have to project to what might be annoying. And it's the Juniors. Carl Edwards Jr and Albert Almora Jr. Do we really need to know you are a Junior? Will we see your dads in uniform and get confused over which one is the ballplayer and which one is the dad of a ballplayer? And then we would have to wait for one of each pair of dad/son combos to turn around to see if there was a "Jr" on the back of the jersey? No. I don't think we need any help in this way. And now maybe I am annoyed.

Mad(don) Scientist: Turns out Big Poppa Joe isn't the guy who tells players they are getting the day off the next day. It's bench coach Dave Martinez. Seems like that wouldn't be Joe's style, but I guess he has t-shirts to sell.

Kubs Kalender: On Monday, with the Cubs in town, the St. Louis Cardinals will have Lou Brock Tribute Night. What a bunch of jerks. Maybe the Cubs should have an Ernie Broglio Night. Or maybe not. But the Cubs should remember this and try to repay the favor down the road sometime - if there is a similar situation.

Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that beer showers are cool.


Marty Gangler is The Cub Factor. He welcomes your comments.

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Posted on Oct 11, 2021