Subscribe to the Newsletter

There Once Was A Man Named Zell

A tribute in limericks.

*

There once was a man named Sam Zell
Who drove mobile homeowners to hell
Named the Grave Dancer
Wealth grew like a cancer
He made the Cubs play in the Cell

*

There's a park named Wrigley Field
Whose owners want more profit to yield
First there were lights
Now naming rights
That Sam Zell has the power to steal

*

There once was a man named Sam Zell
Who bought the newspaper company from hell
He took on lots of debt
Kept his corporate jet
And really knows how to yell

*

There once was a mogul named Zell
Who had a great naming right to sell
Chicago's Wrigley Field
From tradition will yield
And Cubs fans can all go to hell

*

There once was a man from Trib Tower
Who had too much money and power
And as with the Cell
Said the former Sam Zell
I've rechristened myself Andre Braugher

*

There once was a Grave Dancer named Sam
He liked stories about puppies not scams
He swore like a sailor
And eschewed a tailor
And probably listens to Wham!

*

There once was a man from Trib Tower
Who had bucks and too much power
His name is Sam Zell
He had naming rights to sell
He demanded all Cub fans cower

*

There once was a complicated financial scheme
That to Sam Zell was structured like a dream
He sold Wrigley to the state
Used naming rights as bait
And Cubs fans he did ream

-

Tim Willette, Marty Gangler, Eric Emery, Marilyn Ferdinand, Steve Rhodes and Jerry "Bleacher Preacher" Pritikin.

More from Beachwood Sports »

Fantasy Fix: Barkley The Bear

I'm not entirely convinced he wasn't mascot understudy to Staley when this season began.

Continue reading "Fantasy Fix: Barkley The Bear" »

Posted on Dec 1, 2016

Kool-Aid Report

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report: The Case For Pace

If you're rooting for a top pick in the 2017 draft, this is your Super Bowl.

Continue reading "The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report: The Case For Pace" »

Posted on Nov 30, 2016

Breaking Beachwood Sports Feed!