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The World's Greatest College Football Report Bowl Series 2021 Pt 3: Victory Fries & Mushy Bananas

Here is a look back at Tuesday's action. Next up: some orb pondering for a few upcoming bowls on the remaining slate of 44 games. Forty-four games. To watch all 44 bowl games you would need to put in about three weeks' worth of work. Not as in the bowls will span three weeks, but as in it will take 17 days of watching nine hours per day to watch every hour of every bowl game.

(As it happens, we modeled the Watching Two Hogsheads Of College Football requirement in the College Football Report syllabus around the bowl season. How people treat a syllabus should be a defining characteristic. Is it buried in early strata at the bottom of a backpack? Coffee stained? Folded neatly, placed into a coursebook and never seen again? Hole-punched and laminated? As for the College Football Report syllabus, it is posted online. The URL is broken but that is fine because nobody reads those things now anyway.)

The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
Kent State Golden Flashes (7-6) vs Wyoming (6-6) Cowboys
December 21
Boise, ID
Final: Wyoming 52, Kent State 38
ATS: Wyoming -3, O/U: Over (60.5)

This year's edition of the Potato Bowl featured two teams with underwhelming records but intriguing pedigrees. Kent State took its lumps but went home with the cash: before conference play began, the Flashes went on the road three of four weeks to visit #6 Texas A&M, #5 Iowa, and Maryland. Forged from the fires of College Station, Iowa City, and College Park, and flush with $5.25 million in payouts, Kent State went on a tear: the Flashes won six of eight in the remainder.

The championship game loss to NIU for the MAC title must have taken some air out because the Wyoming Cowboys ran away with the Potato Bowl. But what could Kent State have expected? Big signs reading "Welcome, sonny?" "Make yourself at home?" and "Marry my daughter?" The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl is played in Boise, Idaho, which is the capital city in the state of Idaho. Do you know the state dance of Idaho? It's the square dance. Do you know who enjoys a good square dance? Cowboys.

And enjoy it they did. Entering the second half leading 28-24, the Cowboys reeled off three straight touchdowns to pull away. A wild fourth quarter saw both teams combine for touchdown plays of 80, 71, 62 and 73 yards. Despite racking up a bowl-record 656 yards of offense, Kent State just couldn't keep up. Sadly, the visual nightmare of the Potato Bowl likely had most flipping to pretty much anything else. Both teams sported gold uniforms which wildly clashed with the Smurf Turf of Albertson's Field.

Thus few took in the victorious Cowboys dumping a Gatorade tub of french fries onto head coach Craig Bohl. Wyoming is now 2-0 in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. The Cowboys defeated Central Michigan in a 2017 match-up that was also hard to watch.

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Tropical Smoothie Cafe Frisco Bowl
University of Texas San Antonio Roadrunners (12-1) vs San Diego State Aztecs (11-2)
December 21
Frisco, TX
Final: San Diego State 38, UTSA 24
ATS: San Diego State -3, O/U: Over (48.5)

The Frisco Bowl went down in Frisco this year, brought to us by Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Why Tropical? Why not just Smoothie Cafe? Who isn't sold on plain old smoothie cafes but goes buck wild over a Tropical Smoothie Cafe? Is the reference to the tropics supposed to stir a sense of the exotic? Something forbidden? Here's a better idea for a differentiated brand: Taboo Smoothie Cafe. Imagine the possibilities.

Why another smoothie chain at all? What happened to Jamba Juice? Isn't Jamba fulfilling our craving for blended food?

Perhaps Jamba lost some of its je ne sais quoi following its acquisition by Focus Brands in 2018. Jamba joined the Focus portfolio of mediocre-to-bad chain restaurants alongside Schlotzsky's, Carvel, Cinnabon, Moe's Southwest Grill, McAlister's Deli, and Auntie Anne's. But the real problem with Jamba is more subtle. The chain lacks a signature scent. Anyone who has stepped off the plane in the United Terminal of La Guardia to be assaulted by the aroma of Auntie Anne's can testify. Something about the swirl of stale sweat, spilled coffee and warming pretzels make for a mix that can't be described and must be experienced.

Others in the Focus family can pump out wafts of sticky cinnamon, Tex-Mex and toasted sandwiches. What connotes tropical smoothies? Mushy bananas?

Whatever it is, the Aztecs dig it. UTSA was the sexy pick, boasting a 9-4 record against the spread and a scrappy Little Guy attitude. But the bloom came off fast. Five Roadrunners opted out of the game, including the conference Offensive Player of the Year. Stud junior RB Sincere McCormick was among the no-shows. His presence was missed.

What Could Have Been:

San Diego State led the way in every category, including first downs, rushing and passing yards, time of possession, turnovers and penalties. The latter is not the way you want to lead the game in penalties. It's a minor miracle the Aztecs pulled off the win while drawing 14 penalties for 124 yards. SDSU committed two unnecessary roughness penalties and a personal foul which is -45 yards alone. Typically racking up penalty yards in the triple digits costs you a W but not in this case as the Roadrunners were close behind with nine for 80 yards. Maybe next year, UTSA. "Meep, meep!"

Google searches for Tuesday's action included, among others:

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Mike Luce is the world's greatest college football writer. He welcomes your comments.

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