The White Sox Report

By Andrew Reilly

Let's get one thing straight: the Sox, mathematically, are not out of it. The Tigers are bad enough to collapse, the Twins are probably not for real and the Sox, as we have seen, are capable of some weird baseball outcomes.

That said, the literal crushing the Sox received from the big kids this week should have shown us once and for all that it's over. They won't go 0-for-the rest of the season, but there are probably no more significant games left. It might sound negative to write them off in August, but can any among us really see this team making some kind of push towards glory? Of course not.

But for a better understanding of where they stand, think about the marketing materials put out by the Good Guys concerning playoff tickets these days. When you read about pro-rated packages or post-season hot dog deals or Jake Peavy not being eligible for the playoff roster, what do you do? Do you ritualistically seal yourself in the playoff baseball bunker? Shake your head in dismay? Cry at the horror of it all?

Don't. That's all energy we could be saving for hockey or football or basketball or hardcore drinking or whatever it is we do in Chicago between September and April. Rather, read all about the Sox "making their playoff push," then think of Sergio Mitre pitching the best game of his life or Scott Linebrink throwing batting practice or yet another White Sox player breaking your heart in some new and wacky fashion.

Because it's over. We don't have to care anymore, don't have to worry, and better yet we can laugh again, and so often we can at the team we love. Sports, as with life, are sometimes good after all.

Week in Review: Karmically balancing. Dropping three of four at Fenway and a mauling at the hands of the Yankees. No humans were surprised by this 1-6 result.

Week in Preview: Hateful. Three at the Glad Bag, one at the Urinal, and the first three quarters of a four-game stand against The Tawmmies. One week, two deplorable stadiums, three wretched fan bases.

The Q Factor: In the eighth pitch of his at-bat in the second inning of Thursday's game at Fenway, Carlos Quentin was hit on the bill of his helmet by a Junichi Tazawa fastball. Trotting to first base, a series of numbers echoed from number 20's mouth: three, fourteen, one, zero, one, two. Slightly alarmed by the slugger's behavior, Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis asked Quentin if he was alright, to which Quentin calmly responded, "It's a surprise." His next at-bat arriving in the top of the third with Paul Konerko standing on first, Quentin sent an 0-1 curveball over the Green Monster and into the cool Boston night. As he rounded first, a stunned Youkilis asked Quentin, "How did you do that?" Running onwards in silence, Carlos Quentin smiled.

That's Ozzie!: "If we had a B game against us, we might tie."

The Guillen Meter: Eyeing a week's worth of the scrappy lil' second-place Twins and likely playoff-bound Red Sox, the Guillen Meter reads 10 for "belligerently envious and comically sad."

Underclassmen Update: The Chicago White Sox currently have 26 pitchers between the AA Birmingham Barons and AAA Charlotte Knights. Only one of those pitchers, Knights starter Wes Whisler, is a lefty. One. Last time up, Whisler faced seven batters, two of whom scored. Should he be called up with this week's roster expansion, things can only improve.

Alumni News You Can Use: The Minnesota Twins placed former White Sox third baseman Joe Crede on the disabled list Saturday, his back unexpectedly aching just as it did in 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005 and 2004. In related news, the Twins also acquired early 00's South Side pitching disaster Jon Rauch from the Arizona Diamondbacks. The White Sox Report would like to welcome Rauch back to the American League Central, and hopes he pitches as well in Minneapolis as he did on the South Side.

Hawkeroo's Can-O-Corn Watch: His head somehow avoiding explosion after four straight days of nonstop Yaz-love, our man in the booth would like to remind you that even though Ron Gardenhire might just be the smartest man in the game (no question!), Gardy still won't say anything about the blatant anti-Sox bias we shall witness from the umpiring crew in Wednesday's game at Minnesota. Also, Carl Yastrzemski.

Endorsement No-Brainer: Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle in Major League for Saturday's non-game against Yankee non-pitcher Sergio Mitre: "That's all we got, one goddamn hit?"

Cubs Snub: Alfonso "$16 million ain't what it used to be" Soriano and his .243/.305/.428 line owe Milton Bradley a steak dinner. Big time.

George Ofman: King for a day, Favre for a lifetime.

Fantasy Fix: Will return September 9th.

The White Sox Report: Read 'em all.

The Cub Factor: Know your enemy.

-

The White Sox Report welcomes your comments.

-

Andrew Reilly is the managing editor of The 35th Street Review and a contributor to many fine publications.