The White Sox Report

By Andrew Reilly

Jake Peavy sucks.

Even if he's a great pitcher, he sucks.

Even if the White Sox Enemies List* needed an ace, he sucks.

Even if the Good Guys insist on taking this all-or-nothing thing into a weird parallel universe of all and nothing, he sucks.

Even if he makes the Cubs look stupid (and especially if he lands on the North Side), he sucks.

Anyway, in addition to his usual duties as Best Shortstop Ever, superprospect Gordon Beckham is getting time on the farm at both second and third bases. In some larger, longer-term sense, Beckham's flexibility and adaptability undoubtedly suggest a future brighter than what even all the hype and hyperbole could ever suggest. Two Gold Gloves in the same season? Most home runs for a shortstop - and for a second baseman?

Beckham-to-Beckham-to-Beckham double plays? Anything is possible, apparently.

But in the short term? In the short term this is awful news. Not that Beckham isn't capable around the horn, but with the Sox' youth movement so young itself, is it really already time to give up on Alexei Ramirez, Chris Getz and Josh Fields? Does one-third of the starting lineup really need to be put on notice?

Considering the lame offensive output of the three, it's probably not a bad idea.

That said, if the Sox do call up Beckham later this year we can probably assume the season is lost. While another kid adjusting to the big time probably won't really help anything, by then it won't really hurt anything either. Chris Getz is hitting .244 with a lot of walks; Alexei Ramirez is hitting .226 with some decent power; Josh Fields is at .217 with some of the former and increasingly less of the latter. If these things continue unabated, could Beckham really be any worse an option? Probably not.

Which gets back to the original point about Peavy. How can the Sox really be looked at in terms of serious contention when we're all pinning our hopes onto the back of an unproven 22-year-old whose arrival on the South Side means total and abject failure of most of the club's future? When was the last time a can't-miss prospect actually hit its mark? And who on earth would ever trade San Diego's 72 degrees of sunshine for 45 and cloudy on Memorial Day?

(*) William Ligue, Jr., Eric Dybas, Magglio Ordonez, Royce Clayton, Jaime Navarro, Curt Schilling, every Cub ever, the 1959 Los Angeles Dodgers, Tito Landrum, Barry Bonds, Jay Mariotti, Carlos Guillen, Nick Punto, Andy T. Clown, Phil Garner, Vicente Padilla, Kelvim Escobar, Robert Fick, Jeff Weaver, Mark Whiten, Mike North, Dean Palmer, Art Ditmar, Bobby Higginson. Among others.

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Week in Review: Oh, what sweet hilarity in this 5-3 stretch. Seriously, who loses 20-1? It's always funny to use football jokes describing blowouts, except even the lowly Detroit Lions know how to score at least three at a time. Monday's 17-3 murder of the Angels was nice and all, but taking too much comfort in that just turns the Sox into Tommy Gunn in Rocky V: you can beat the pretenders up all you want, but in the end the good ones will still whoop you in a streetfight.

Week in Preview: Probably nothing special. The Good Guys face the expectedly good Angels and the second-place-with-a-losing-record Royals. We used to look forward to playing a lousy AL Central team; now we have simply become one.

The Q Factor: Anybody seen my MVP candidate and theoretical best hitter? Quentin's average is lower than all but three others on the active roster, yet his on-base percentage is fifth-best. You say he can't hit? Carlos Quentin will hit until he can't run, and when he can't run he'll just walk wherever and whenever he damn well pleases until they carry him off the field. Which they did. Which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it! I don't like it any more than he does.

That's Ozzie!: "I always think positive. Colon is going to be real fresh for the next start. That's all I can say about Colon today."

- The Sox skipper after Thursday's drubbing. Colon faced 16 batters and gave up eight runs in two innings.

The Guillen Meter: Somber following Guillen's trip home to Venezuela for a family emergency over the weekend, the Guillen Meter reads 1 for "in the end, it's just a game."

Alumni News You Can Use: Javier Vazquez has 78 strikeouts in 64 innings or, to put it another way, more K's than any two of John Danks, Mark Buehrle and Bartolo Colon combined. Vazquez also remains good for heroic pitching performances only when absolutely unnecessary.

Hawkeroo's Can-O-Corn Watch: Angels CF Torii Hunter still flashes a mean glove, swings an even meaner stick and showed up the Sox as many times as anyone can in his time with the Twins. Look for a minimum of twelve references to the time Hunter took out Jamie Burke or that one catch he made against Carlos Lee. You know the one I'm talking about.

Endorsement No-Brainer: Pinch-hitter, second baseman, third baseman and outfielder Jayson Nix for Victorinox cutlery. The original Swiss Army Knife.

Cubs Snub: Rich Harden hits the disabled list and Milton Bradley is at war with the umpires of the National League. What were the odds? (Hint: Very high.)

The White Sox Report: Read 'em all.

The Cub Factor: Know your enemy.

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The White Sox Report welcomes your comments.

Andrew Reilly is the managing editor of The 35th Street Review and a contributor to many fine publications.