Beachwood Sports ArchiveA monthly look back
Beachwood Sports VideoPlease Stop Believing 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired
Search The Beachwood Reporter
Subscribe to the Newsletter
Former Cub Marlon Byrd revealed in 2009 that he not only had worked with steroid doctor/pill pusher Victor Conte but would continue to work with steroid doctor/pill pusher Victor Conte.
The unemployed Byrd has now been suspended for 50 games for violating the league's drug policy, though he has absolved Conte of any responsibility.
For reasons we can't quite remember - maybe it came back in the news - The Cub Factor tracked Conte's injections into Byrd during the 2011 season in a running item we called The Marlon Byrd Supplemental Report. Which means all those lame jokes going around about how Byrd's performance-enhancing drugs didn't enhance his performance were already made by us - in a much funnier way. Let us review and remember.
* Conte has been injecting Marlon with "Reed Johnson" in hopes to make him look better than he really is.
* Conte has been injecting Marlon with "season savior" but even Conte can't make up something that potent.
* Conte has been injecting Marlon with "Marlon Byrd" which makes him play like Marlon Bryd. Thanks, Conte.
* Conte has been injecting Marlon with "Astros pitching" this week and he is getting buff!
* Conte continues to inject Marlon with "decent, but not great."
* Conte is injecting Marlon with sedatives after he was asked to bat sixth on Friday, two spots down from Jeff Baker, and then asked to lay down a sacrifice bunt in the 10th with Tyler Colvin batting behind him. It was his first sac bunt as a Cub.
* Conte has been injecting Marlon with "Just 11 More RBI Than Tyler Colvin Despite 200 More At-Bats."
* Conte has apparently been injecting Marlon with sugar water all season because Marlon really had just another Marlon season.
* Conte has been injecting Marlon with "lost season."
* Conte has been injecting Marlon with "Starting Job in 2012" but we can't tell if it's working.
* Conte gave Marlon some pills labeled "third-place hitter" a few times this week but they were actually placebos.
* Conte is now giving Byrd weekly injections of "somewhat regrettable acquisition."
See also: Marlon Byrd vs. Robert Byrd.
-More from Beachwood Sports »
Defense to get more aggressive, incur more penalties. Plus: The Cubs Did Not Respect 90 Last Year And No One Was Held Accountable; Budget Bullpen Breaks; New Rules, Fools!; Sister Jean Has Down Year; College Admissions' Side Doors; Duncan Keith, Biohacker; Alma Otter!; Puck Drop; and Schweinsteiger!Continue reading "The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #243: Bears Make Big Little Moves; Cubs Building A Mystery " »
Posted on Mar 15, 2019
Those ensnared in the current criminal case - which alleges that they paid for their children to get spots on the sports teams of big-name schools - couldn't have succeeded if the college admissions process wasn't already biased toward wealthier families.Continue reading "College Admission Scandal Grew Out Of A System Already Rigged With 'Side Doors'" »
Posted on Mar 15, 2019