Sports

The Cubs Answer Man: Parade Prep

By Rick Kaempfer

The Cubs Answer Man returns to answer all your questions as we once again go down that road . . .

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With the recent surge by the 2008 Chicago Cubs, your mind has probably wandered to that same place my mind has wandered. It's obviously meant to be this year.

With that as a given, I realized it was time to get more information about the city's plans for the big celebration. I picked up the phone and called the spokesperson for the Mayor's Office of Special Events, Cindy Gatziolis.

Cindy, a Sox fan, was kind enough to answer all the questions that Cubs fans have swirling around in our brains. If I've missed any, feel free to e-mail me, and I'll call her to follow up.

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Q: Will a scoreboard be set up on stage at Orchestra Hall for the away World Series games so fans can watch someone manning the ticker and turning on lights to represent which runners are on base like they did in 1908?

Cindy: We're moving it to the Bean, because it's a new century.

Q: Will the city paint part of the river red and part of it blue to make sure it doesn't mix and turn purple, or will they just go with straight Cubbie blue?

Cindy: The Chicago River is incapable of turning blue.

Q: Air raid siren or an emergency broadcasting alert?

Cindy: Recording of Ditka singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."

Q: Are you going to go with a ticker-tape parade like they had in 1932 to celebrate the pennant; the parade route the Sox used in 2005; a more traditional Grant Park celebration like the Bulls had; or something radical like a Chicago river cruise?

Cindy: I think we're starting at Lower Michigan by the Billy Goat.

Q: Good. I'm glad you brought that up. Let's just get this out in the open now. If someone arrives at the parade with a stinky smelly goat, will they be welcome or not?

Cindy: That is no way to talk about Sam Zell.

Q: Will the Cubs be traveling the parade route in an open-air double-decker bus, or brand new convertible DeSotos like they used for the 1932 parade?

Cindy: Edsels would be nice, because you don't want to lose that lovable loser tag entirely.

Q: Are any of the members of the Cubs' last World Championship team going to be invited to this parade, other than the obvious choices like Tinkers, Evers, and Chance?

Cindy: Do you know how much paperwork is necessary to exhume bodies?

Q: Has Tom Dreesen been booked yet for the celebration?

Cindy: Who?

Q: I assume that lawn chairs will be considered legitimate to save spots along the parade route. Is that correct? Does someone need to be occupying those chairs at all times or are the chairs themselves considered sufficient?

Cindy: There's going to be a charge to be at the parade, but you can get those tickets at Wrigley Field Premium Ticket Services.

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Rick Kaempfer is the proprietor of JustOneBadCentury.com.

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