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The Sad Clowns of Baseball

I had a conversation with a friend recently about this year's Cubs squad and he called them unintentionally comedic. To which I responded, there is nothing funny about this team at all.


Then again, a lot of people find Jay Leno funny, so to each his own,


I'll concede this: Maybe the Cubs are sad clown kind of funny.

A sad clown looks like a hobo and you are supposed to feel bad for him - you know, because he's sad and pathetic. And some Cub fans do feel bad for the Cubs you know, because they are also sad and pathetic. But like most of the population who have turned on the sad clown (and all clowns in general), most Cubs fans are tired of this same old act. They really are sad clowns. And winning three games in a row for the first time all year against the worst team in the league doesn't change anything. It's kind of like when the sad clown gets seltzer in his face and you kind of chuckle. You aren't chuckling because you think clowns are all of a sudden funny, you are chuckling because the seltzer bottle is four times larger than a normal one and who has even seen an actual seltzer bottle in real life and that whole thing is just ridiculous, so you just kind of chuckle.

But it's really not that funny.

Week in Review: The Cubs lost two of three to the Phillies and then won three in a row against the Astros. But if someone mentions the word "momentum" I might puke.

The Week in Preview: The Cubs hit the road locally this week traveling to Miller Park for three against the Brewers and Busch Stadium for three against the Cardinals. Too bad they don't go to another beer-named stadium next. Like Schlitz Field.

The Second Basemen Report: Darwin Barney got five starts this week while the untouchable Jeff Baker got just one. Just like Jim Hendry is drawing it up.

In former second basemen news, Aaron Miles is having a good year for the Dodgers. Who knew that when we all thought he stunk because he couldn't see the broad side of a barn that it was actually true. The visually corrected version of him is missed.

The Zam Bomb: Big Z "scattered" 10 baserunners in six innings to get the win against the worst team in baseball. He couldn't be more apologetic.



Marlon Byrd Supplemental Report: Conte has been injecting Marlon with "Astros pitching" this week and he is getting buff!

Lost in Translation: Houstoneio Astro-san is Japanese for rotten sushi.

Endorsement No-Brainer: Matt Garza for ComEd. Because the guy is pitching lights out lately.

Sweet and Sour Quade: 88% sweet,12% sour. Mike is up 3 percent this week due to winning three in a row for the first time all year and "calling out" his young shortstop for missing a ball in the sun. And just like your thought-to-be well-adjusted uncle, Mike used to blame his son Bobby's bad grades on his teachers. But it was Mike who took him on vacation during the school year and never gave the kid a curfew.

Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of NFO (New Front Office) traded higher this week on speculation that this is still so bad that something will have to change.

Over/Under: The number of times Mike Quade will call out Alfonso Soriano the way he did Castro the rest of the season: +/- .5 times.

Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that I still can't believe Rodrigo Lopez beat Roy Halladay.

Farm Report: "When you are not going well, you get blamed for everything," Jim Hendry said while golfing in West Des Moines as the I-Cubs had lost six in a row and the C-Cubs definitively showed that they aren't as bad as the Houston Astros.

The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch 'em all!

The White Sox Report: Know the enemy.

Get Your Gangler On: Follow Marty on Twitter.

Note For Readers Used To Seeing The Mount Lou Alert System Here: When manager Mike Quade shows any signs of, well, really anything abnormal, we will be all over it with some kind of graph or pictorial depiction of whatever it is, but until this guy shows something besides just being a normal, thoughtful, intelligent guy, we got next to nothing on him. We are hoping he shows something and kinda hoping he doesn't also, know what I mean? BUT HE IS GETTING MUCH CLOSER . . . We're thinking a sad clown.


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