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The Cub Factor

After another week of pretty much torture watching this year's version of the floundering Cubs, one has to wonder - once again - why we watch these guys.

Yeah, I know, it's "what you do" because, well, you're a fan, but one doesn't have to look any further than our crusty old manager for some words of wisdom.

Good old Uncle Lou chimed in with another doozy after the game this week that Big Z blew up.

When asked (again) if Big Z is the answer in the 8th inning, Lou said he didn't have a lot of options.

First, that is a shot at the GM for building a bad team. Second, he's right - and neither do we. I'd like to not watch the Cubs at all sometimes, but I don't have a lot of options. So I kind of know what Lou is going through.

I could sit here and write that you shouldn't watch this bad mish-mosh of pieces that never seems to fit, but you are still going to watch.

But I will say that they really better do something to blow this thing up and get a plan together or else I'm going to . . . to . . . to . . . yeah, I can't pretend that I am going to do much of anything.

I guess it's like that poker game you are playing when you have way too many chips in there and you know you're beat. You know you have no chance to win but you just can't fold, either. You really don't have a lot of options.

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Week in Review: The Cubs lost two of three to both the Marlins and the Pirates at home. To call this week "pathetic" is an understatement. It was pathetically pathetic to let the Pirates beat you and score that many runs.

Week in Preview: The Cubs play two more at home against the Rockies, then travel to Philadelphia for two games and on to Texas for three. If nothing else, this is an interesting week travel-wise, and how many times does a team play two two-game series' in the same week? Talking about the schedule is better than talking about the team these days.

The Second Basemen Report: The new old second baseman Ryan Theriot started four games this week with Mike Fontenot getting the start in the other two games. I guess when you have two guys batting over or around .300, the thing to do would be to platoon them at the same position instead of putting them on the field at the same time. It's not that Starlin Castro shouldn't be playing, it's just that this is Exhibit W (and we started at Exhibit A) that there really is no real plan, just like Jim Hendry drew it up.

In former second baseman news, Ronny Cedeno came to town this week and looked like how we remembered Ronny Cedeno. He was just here so he's not really missed right now, but he will eventually be missed.

The Zam Bomb: How long can this Big Z impersonator keep up this charade? We say the mask comes off this week and go boom.


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Lost in Translation: Crazeio towny foggy braino is Japanese for Carlos Silva is 4-0 for this team.

Endorsement No-Brainer: Carlos Zambrano for bull tranquilizers, because this dude is on something.

Sweet and Sour Lou: 25% sweet 75% sour. Lou is down another five points on the Sweet-O-Meter this week because his team lost to the f'n Pirates. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou knows he's just an old man and doesn't care about much this week but when you guys lost to old uncle Frank and his half-blind son Kevin in baggo out back last night, it sticks in Uncle Lou's craw. Until his seventh Falstaff, anyway.

Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of eye patches are up this week due to an increase in the Pirate market.

Over/Under: Number of times Tom Ricketts reads the state's Lemon Law this week to see if he can return this team to Sam Zell for a refund: +/- 4.5.

Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that this has got to be blown up.

A & I Labs: What's wrong with this team?

The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch 'em all!

The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.

Fantasy Fix: The Starlin Castro Watch.

The Mount Lou Alert System: Seismologists from around the world concur that Mount Lou is going to blow. It's not if, it's when. Mount Lou may be old but it's not dead. Anger lava will flow down Waveland Ave after the game Tuesday.

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