The Cub Factor

Every season there are a few milestones that help us figure out what kind of team fans have are dealing with. A lot of people would say that this weekend was a watershed moment - that we learned something about this Cub team as they swept the White Sox this weekend. Here is a list of of what I learned the last few days:

1. Two-month old babies are still not at the "Hey, listen to me!" stage.

2. You need to make sure the gas is turned on or else the burners on your new grill won't light.

3. The grass looks better when cut on a lower setting.

4. I need a new job because well, I don't like the one I have so much.

5. Diet and exercise sound like an easy concept but it's a pain to pull off over the long haul.

Wait, you mean I was supposed to learn something about the Cubs this week? Well, I didn't. I knew that they were dynamite at home and a bit rocky on the road. And well, that hasn't changed. Getting beat by the Rays was a bigger deal than sweeping the White Sox in reality's book. The White Sox are a decent team, but the Rays are one of this season's elite teams. So there you go.

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And if a team changes its name to the Rays, don't you think all their players should be named Ray? How cool would that be? You would have to field a team of guys named Ray. Heh-heh.

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Week in Review: The Cubs went 3-3 this week, getting swept on the road to the (Devil) Rays and sweeping the White Sox at home. Which begs the question: Should people who don't use brooms anymore bring those Swiffer things to the game?

Week in Preview : The Cubs stay in the city for six more this week with the Baltimore Orioles coming in for three at Wrigley and the Cubs jumping on the Red Line for three more against the Sox at the Cell. Next season they should make Crosstown Classic games all crosstown double-headers just to get the whole thing over quicker. Just like jim Hendry drew it up.

The Second Basemen Report: Joe Morgan called Mark DeRosa "a fixture" at second base for the Cubs on Sunday night's broadcast. Well, the "fixture" only played second base once this week, with Mike Fontenot starting two games and Ronnie Cedeno starting three. So we learned again this week that Joe Morgan sucks because as a homeowner I know that you don't replace your fixtures that often in a week.

In former second basemen news, Dave Hanson is the Diamondbacks minor league hitting coordinator. He is missed.

The Zam Bomb: Still furious, even while on the DL. Hide the watercoolers in the trainer's room.

Lost in Translation: Lou-san sensei Ozaka-sucka is Japanese for "Lou outmanaged Ozzie."

Sweet and Sour Lou: 75% sweet, 25% sour. Lou holds steady on the Sweet-O-Meter. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is glad you beat the crap out of your cousin when he came over and made fun of rats in your basement, but he'll be more impressed if you go steal a few hubcaps from someone else's yard.

Center Stage: Supporting actor Kosuke Fukudome was called on once this week to play the lead role while Jim Edmonds and Reed Johnson nursed injuries. We're not convinced this ends here.

The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.

Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that it's time to put interleague play away.

Over/Under:The number of Chicago baseball fans who hate the other side of town for ridiculous reasons: +/- 2.8 million.

Mount Lou: Lou stays at status green this week as the two biggest eruption igniters are both on the DL and out of range for possible eruption disruption. In fact, Mount Lou is super green this week.

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