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The BP Crosstown Cup Comedy Series II

1. BP Cup vs. Stanley Cup

Stanley Cup: Making the rounds of area bars.
BP Cup: Barred from human handling by EPA.

Stanley Cup: Holds 14 cans of beer.
BP Cup: Holds 14 cans of oil.

Stanley Cup: Names of winners etched into trophy.
BP Cup: Names of losers etched into tombstones.

Stanley Cup: Named after a Lord.
BP Cup: Named after a company even the Lord hates.

2. Case Study

The White Sox had a new park that was a disaster; BP has an environmental nightmare that is a disaster. Time for BP to follow some of the steps the Sox took to make Comiskey a more tolerable mess:

* Create a feel-good, fan-friendly Junior Marine Biologist area where youngsters can detoxify their first pelican or work with a real petroleum berm!

* Open a new concession area to cater to the influx of media and politicians; potential offerings might include shrimp po' boys, served by po' shrimp fishermen.

* Create a safer environment for visitors by taking steps to ban troublesome environmental hooligans and wackos.* More promotional giveaways and special events - Tony Hayward bobbleheads! Bring your dog to the tar-covered beach day!

* Divert the discussion and get the BP moniker out of the news by selling naming rights to the spill to an onerous corporate partner - maybe the AIG Gulf Disaster?

* Bring in big-name players for maximum PR splash even though they won't do much to contribute to the ultimate success of the project (a la Ken Griffey, Jr.) - introducing the new co-chiefs of the Gulf Leak cleanup: LeBron James and Lee DeWyze.

* More churros and more fireworks - probably worth a shot.

3. Crosstown Mailbox

Cubs Fan: Why do the White Sox set off the exploding scoreboard every time they hit a home run? Every homer is not worthy of celebration.

If Paul Konerko hits a solo homer in the eighth inning of a game the Sox are trailing 12-1, is a fireworks show really necessary?

White Sox Report correspondent Andrew Reilly responds:

When the starting third baseman is 400 years old, the crappy DH should really only be used as a crappy backup outfielder, and the only good baseball they play is against the absolute worst teams, every home run is worth celebrating.

And since when can the Sox limit another team to 12 runs in eight innings?

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Second in a series. See the entirely still viable part one here.

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Contributing: Andrew Reilly, Chris Rewers, Steve Rhodes

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Comments welcome.

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