The Beachwood Reporter : Sports

SWINGS BOTH WAYS

A blog from a fan of both sides of Chicago baseball.

LATEST: Peavy vs. Buehrle (And Ozzie)

Beachwood Sports Archive

Beachwood Sports Video

Please Stop Believin' 99 Years of Cub Losses The 1908 Song Blame It On Bartman We Can't Wait 100 Years Dusty Must Get Fired

Beachwood Sports Audio

100 Seasons in the Sun Eddie Elia We Can't Wait 100 Years Let's Call The Crosstown Off! Louuuuu! Ode to Ozzie Dusty Must Get Fired The 12 Days of Cubness The Hester Man Can! I'm Sammy Calendar Bears

Search The Beachwood Reporter

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

Everybody knows that when a friend buys your ticket to a game, you are obligated to buy him at least two beers. And unless you truly despise the home team, it's also courteous to root for them even if you normally wouldn't.

So I'll be rooting for the Bears tonight, because I'll be there on someone else's dime. Let the record show that a Bears win is against my self-interest, given that my fantasy football opponent has Matt Forte. Regardless, I'm what a co-worker calls a "football mercenary;" you pay me, I root for your team.

In fact, I might actually go the extra mile and bring a sign. Look for one of these in Section 320:

* Sorry Saints, Blago already fixed the game!

* Our Guv More Corrupt Than Your Guv

* Easy Saints Prefer Nuns

* Lovie for Govie!

* Sportin' an Orton!

* Hey Brees, your turkey's done!

* Hey Bush, your girlfriend is a better porn actress than you are a running back!

* We used to *#&$^ guys like Shockey in prison!

* Practice? We're Talking About Practice?

* Sean is no Payton!

* Sean is no Grossman!

* Hey Deuce: Just say NO!

* Our Ditka was better than your Ditka

Saints at Bears
Storyline: It'll only seem cold and windy, especially after you look at Section 320. There you will find the writer of the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid Report and his friend, staying warm with Old Styles and crappy Hooters wings.

Reality: Since one of my friend's nicknames is "Mr. Cliche Man," let me say that even though sometimes you win some, and sometimes you lose some, history tends to repeat itself. Therefore, the Saints will be left saying "That's the way the cookie crumbles." And we'll be drunk as skunks.

Prediction: Bears Minus 3 Points, Under 46 Points Scored.

Sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 50%
Recommended sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 30%

Fantasy Fix: Case in point: Eli Manning.

Eric Emery grew up in small-town Illinois but has an irrational love of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Every week he writes The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report and Over/Under. You can send him love letters and hate mail and he will respond graciously.