Sports

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

Here's something we all can agree on: everybody loves a vacation. It's a good time to kick back and separate from the stress and pressure of everyday life. Sometimes, however, duty calls, tearing you away from your dreamy existence. Now that Rex Grossman's vacation is over, we got to wondering: what did Sexy Rexy do with his time off?

* Played a tape of Lovie saying "Rex is our quarterback" over and over and over again.

* Totally didn't read those memos from Ron Turner regarding the game plan.

* Continued to visualize what it took to throw the ball to the opposing team.

* Practiced taking snaps with his girlfriend.

* After the Bears moved to 5-3, he went to Vegas and bet "Under 8 Wins."

* Followed Orton around like he was pregnant, making sure he continued to feel as good as possible.

* Called in to talk radio as "Gus from Stickney" and complained about Kyle Orton.

* Purchased Madden 2009 Created player named "Rex Grossman" who is 7 feet tall.

* Prayed to God that the Bears didn't compile a winning record only to have Orton get injured right before playing an undefeated team.

Tennessee at Chicago
Storyline: If the Bears do everything right, they can be the first team to beat the Titans this season.

Reality: If the Bears do everything right, they can can lose by a margin smaller than what John McCain lost by.

Prediction: Tennessee Minus 3 Points, Under 39.5 Points

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Sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 65%
Recommended sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 45%

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Over/Under: If the NFL were run like our national elections.

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Fantasy Fix: Sources you can trust.

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Eric Emery grew up in small-town Illinois but has an irrational love of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Every week he writes The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report and Over/Under. You can send him love letters and hate mail and he will respond graciously.

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