Sports

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

Chicago scratched out a victory last week largely due to the efforts of the special teams. In a game where a previously inept Minnesota offense scored 41 points, Chicago showed a weakness: They don't play defense well when they don't know what the offense will do. This shows that skill alone won't get the job done. Here are some ways the Bears can get up-to-date information on the opposing team's game plan.

* Intercept game plan in old school way: Rob train carrying the mail.

* Intercept game plan in new school way: Hire Bill Belichick as Director of New Media.

* Call Brett Favre.

* Send Frank Caliendo impersonating Brett Favre into their huddle.

* Offer a federal bailout in return for their playbook.

* Tell them Obama wants them to share.

* Tell them everyone gives a little to officials in Chicago.

* Make assistant coaches take screening jobs at airports where they can read playbooks as they go through security.

* Wink while you tell them that Palin wants them to share.

* Use bye week to get heads out of their collective asses.

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Bears vs. Bye Week
Storyline: The bye week comes at a perfect time for Bears to rest and reflect.

Reality: In all the free time, Kyle Orton will remember that he's Kyle Orton, and Brian Urlacher will impregnate a half dozen more women.

Prediction: Bye Week plus 4.5 points

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Percentage of sugar in the Pitcher of Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 55%
Recommended sugar in the Pitcher of Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 51%

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Over/Under: Exit polls for the NFL.

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Fantasy Fix: Who to count on in Week 8.

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Eric Emery grew up in small-town Illinois but has an irrational love of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Every week he writes The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report and Over/Under. You can send him love letters and hate mail and he will respond graciously.

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