Sports

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

As we approach this season, the Kool-Aid Nation has low self-esteem. The Bears' fortune is tied to an inexperienced quarterback, a rookie running back, an injury plagued offensive line, inept wide receivers, and a defensive scheme that fails to adjust. Let's face facts: The Bears have more question marks than that guy giving away the government's money.

Yes, we were just beaten by J.T. O'Sullivan, but at least it wasn't Peter Tom Willis.

No, the Bears don't smell so good right now, but they don't quite stink to high heaven just yet. Here are some signs that your team is really bad.

* Your general manager is Matt Millen.

* Your new free agent QB played for the "John H. Stroger Hospital" in the Chicago Municipal Football League.

* As your team takes the field, the public address announcer half-heartedly states "Give it up for your home team," followed by a gun shot.

* Fan base regularly touts that it's been 100 years since their team's last championship.

* Coke pays your favorite team to sponsor Pepsi.

* Delusional fans keep calling local sports radio claiming that your team is only 3 to 5 good players away from a championship.

* Vegas has taken your team's games off the board.

* Your favorite team's coach is last in his fantasy league too.

* Congress passes a law stating that all toys bearing your favorite team's emblem will contain lead.

* Fan base insists that all home games are blacked out on local TV.

* First round draft pick played for the Washington Generals.

* Your favorite team's nickname is "Bye Week."

* All your players went to my high school.

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Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 15%
Recommended sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 20%

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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.

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