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The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

In conjunction with The Beachwood Reporter, Over/Under Enterprises is proud to announce a new product:

"The Bears Bandwagon Fan Starter Kit"

As you know, the most exciting part of being a fan is watching your team win it all. Nothing instills more pride in city than a championship. In this busy world, sometimes we are unable to follow the local teams' progress. On the other hand, we don't want to be left behind when the local team becomes successful. With "The Bears Bandwagon Fan Starter Kit", you can now say "I've always loved the Bears . . . since they started the season 3-0".

With "The Bears Bandwagon Fan Starter Kit," you receive the following:

* Do you still have Cade McNown and Kordell Stewart jerseys? This package includes a player's last name printed on navy blue material, so you can iron over your existing name to create a new jersey. Select from the following options:

a) Convert Cade McNown to Rex Grossman
b) Convert Mark Carrier to Thomas Jones
c) Convert Raymont Harris to Adrian Peterson
d) Convert Tom Waddle to Mushin Muhammad
e) Convert Kordell Stewart* to Bernard Berrian
*(additional $20 for conversion of "1" to "8".)

* Do you have four Cubs hats from the failed 2003 run? With this package, you also receive the pointy nub that you attach to the left of the Cubs insignia, and a colored marker to turn it orange. Show you are such a big fan by showing your new "Limited Edition" Bears hat.

* Do you have a passing knowledge of Bears history, but know nothing of the current roster? Use our new cocktail conversation flash cards to impress longtime fans with your Bears knowledge. For example, "That Bernard Berrian sure reminds me of Willie Gault."

* The first 1,000 Bandwagon fans will also receive "A Guide To Jeff Joniak's Most Overexcited Phrases" Be a hit in the office with this hilarious, yet informative device. Land that $3 million account? Let Joniak bring it all home with "THOMAS JONES, RUNNING WITH PURPOSE, GAIN OF THREE!" Travel to five locations in a week, express your glee with "DEVIN HARRIS, THE WINDY CITY FLYER!" Spot Jenkins sneaking out early for the third consecutive day? Let Joniak put him in his place by exclaiming "TOMMIE HARRIS CUTS THROUGH THE LINE AND STOPS HIM AT THE FIVE, NO! GAIN!"

Don't be the last on your block to sound like a fan and get this package. Much like playoff wins since 1986, supplies are limited!

Irony on Display
I've spent some time discussing the formula for a great team. And yet, in weeks 1 and 2, I failed miserably on my picks. Finally, I found the formula for picking at least one game correctly (1-0-1). Sure, I picked the Bears/Vikings game as correctly as possible, and even mentioned that "The Vikings line will not hold off the front four for the whole game, and especially when it counts." Sure enough, a fourth quarter sack and fumble set up the Bears winning drive. If only my analysis preceding this prediction was as accurate.

You see, I made a factual error in stating, "The Vikings barely beat Carolina, who barely beat the Lions." In fact, it was Seattle who barely beat the Lions.

But you know what? It worked.

So this week I will again use faulty information in making my picks.

Seattle at Chicago, Sunday, October 1, 7:15 p.m.
Shaun Alexander continues to dominate defenses with his hard running through consistently huge holes. Steve Hutchinson and Walter Jones lead an offensive line that protects QB Jim Zorn without fail. Heck, once this new LB Brian Bosworth develops, this defense will help the Seahawks defend their Super Bowl Championship.

Do the 2-1 Bears have the talent to compete at home? Well, since the Bears continue to languish at home, I must say no. In the trailer for Stone Cold, Brian Bosworth said "Imagine the future, Chains, 'cause you're not in it."

Just like what the Boz (#55) did to Bo Jackson, the Seahawks will do to the Bears.

(Seriously) Pick: Seattle over 3.5 points/under 36 points

For a Bears win:
Sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 65%
Recommended sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 50%


Visit The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report archive, and the Kool-Aid forum, where you can tell Emery what an idiot he is.

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Posted on May 28, 2020