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So the Bears broke against conventional wisdom and crushed a superior team last week. Could anybody really say that they saw that coming? Perhaps the Bears need 40 mph winds, -1 degrees of wind chill, a third-string QB, and a losing record to play their best. Perhaps the Bears ought to take their unconventional formula further. Here are a few suggestions.
1. Tell offensive linemen the snap-count is 30 seconds later than it really is.
2. Require the defense to attend weekly sex-ed classes.
3. Use Devin Hester out of the backfield, duh!
4. Hire John McDonough. And Steve Stone.
5. Under absolutely no circumstance go to training camp next year with the same three quarterbacks you went with this year - no matter how tempting it seems for reasons only Bears management can fathom.
6. Make Lovie Smith take yoga classes to make him more flexible.
7. When your best players on offense are your top two tight ends, go with two tight-end formations . . .
8. . . . With Devin Hester out of the backfield. In other words, put your best weapons on the field!
9. Realize that beating the Packers actually isn't important at all unless the winner goes to the playoffs.
10. When the offense stalls, put Devin Hester in a really deep shotgun formation and tell him to just pretend he's returning a kick.
Saints at Bears
Storyline: Remember last year's NFC Championship game? Two great teams have had terrible seasons.
Reality: Both teams last year were merely the tallest midgets in the lame NFC. Better-than-mediocre teams are now less-than-mediocre.
Pick: Bears Plus 2 Points, Over 40 Points Scored.
Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 5% (Residual Sugar from Packers Sweep)
Recommended Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: Kyle is our quarterback.
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