Subscribe to the Newsletter

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

Philly exhibited their two-minute "statue defense" and allowed the Bears to rally last week. To their credit, the Bears showed heart in the closing seconds of the game. Now at 3-4, the Bears are at the dreaded crossroads. Two Chicago teams met at that same crossroads earlier this year: the White Sox and the Cubs. One team went on to fail in mythic proportions. The other team went on a huge winning streak and then hung on for dear life until it failed in mythic proportions.

So the question is: Are this year's Bears the Cubs or the White Sox? Let's take a look.

*

Cubs:

* Team starts out losing with wrong personnel; lineup changes lead the way to victory.

* Mike Brown equals Mark Prior. You know why.

* Bernard Berrian equals Michael Barrett. Neither can catch anymore.

* Kyle Orton equals Glendon Rusch. Just because.

* Cedric Benson equals Steve Trachsel. Both are too slow to the target.

* Brian Griese equals Ryan Theriot. Both saved their team's season.

* Devin Hester has no Cubs equal.

* Like Cub fans, Bear fans start chants at odd times, as if they've collectively come back from the bathroom and a beer run.

* Is that an Eamus Catuli 010122 sign just outside Soldier Field?

* Lance Briggs equals Carlos Zambrano. Both talk to God.

* Greg Olsen equals Mike Fontenot.

* Promotional radio spots mention "fun" and "excitement" but little about "winning."

* After all, Cubs are just little Bears.

White Sox

* Team personnel overrated. General manager's star dims.

* Mike Brown equals Scott Podsednik. You know why.

* Brian Griese equals Javier Vasquez. Second-stringers step up, but it won't be enough.

* Cedric Benson equals Jose Contreras. (See Cedric Benson equals Steve Trachsel.)

* Offense sucks.

* Typical fan of Sox and Bears calls brother-in-law in Homewood after every loss.

* Suffering from too much recent success.

* Thomas Jones equals Aaron Rowand.

* Tampa 2 is also Ozzie's favorite defense.

* Bears secondary resembles Sox bullpen. Fully capable of blowing leads every week.

* Ron Rivera equals Razor Shines.

* Both looking up at Detroit and Minnesota.

* Promotional radio spots mention "fun" and "excitement" but little about "winning."

-

Either way, the end of the road comes with a failure of mythic proportions.

-

Lions at Bears
Here's the thing about a crossroad: You always see it coming. The Lions crushed the Bears earlier this year, but that happened in Detroit. The Lions play football like housecats: They play well in the confines of their own homes, but not that good when you shove them in a car to go to Aunt Bea's house for the week. To carry out the analogy, the Lions crawl under the bed in Aunt Bea's guest room and stay there.

Pick: Chicago minus 5, Over 44 Points Scored.

*

Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 50%
Recommended Sugar in the Blue and Orange Kool-Aid: 35%

-


For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.

More from Beachwood Sports »
The White Sox Report

Coin Is The Lord Of The Realm

Don't pity the White Sox.

Continue reading "Coin Is The Lord Of The Realm" »

Posted on Jul 15, 2019

Breaking Beachwood Sports Feed!